Daily_Stuff...

Philosophy ...

2011-03-09T04:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I know it has been forever since I have written. I was posting all my papers from school and over the last few semesters I been taking math classes so no real papers to post. Well, I am now taking a Philosophy 101 class and will have a few papers to post. Got my first one back. Got 95/100 with it so not bad. Professor gave me some really awesome feedback: "... to be honest this is one of the best papers on Platonic Love I have read! You rocked it!"

So here we go:

The Form of Love

Plato used Symposium to explain or explore his idea of love. He explored the origins of love. He spoke of how love begins and grows into perfection. Using Socrates and Diotima's dialogue, he spoke about different kinds of love and what love seeks. Exploring these ideas, and more, we will see what Plato believed love to be.

After reading Socrates’ speech from Symposium, we see Plato’s idea of love. Love or Eros, was considered then to be a god. However, during the discussion between Socrates and Diotima it is said that he cannot logically be a god. Diotima reasons that, since Love wants, it cannot be a god, for a god already possess all things good. She goes on to explain, that Love is not mortal either, but a means between the two. This is why Love (Eros) is, what she called it, a daimon. The idea that love is ambiguous, in a way, is interesting. Love is often seen as pure or perfect. To think love is not pure, nor is it evil, was something I reflected on. During the speech Diotima suggests that we love, in part, for our quest of immortality. I found myself agreeing with this wholeheartedly. When I look at my children, I see myself moving forward in them. The love I feel for them is immeasurable. I feel, in loving them I carry on. So I myself, not being immortal, can find a means to immortality in loving them. Plato also addresses this later, when he speaks of two kinds of pregnancy: of the body and of the soul. My example of course being of the body.

So, if Love is seeking something it does not have, what is it seeking? Diotima tries to have Socrates answer this question in the dialogue. She ask, “ ... What is given by the possession of beauty?” Socrates answers, “I have no answer ready.” She then goes on to ask, “Let me put the word 'good' in the place of the beautiful, ... If he who loves good, what is it then that he loves?” he replies, “The possession of the good.” This point is then expanded that beauty is good and therefore good is happiness. So in essence Love seeks happiness. This was in part explained by Love's creation story that Diotima tells. That Love was born of Penia (Poverty) and Poros (Plenty) in Zeus’ garden on Aphrodite’s birthday. She explains love is a means of his parents. He is a follower of beauty because of his link to Aphrodite. “He is poor ... rough and squalid ... like his mother he is always in distress.” She goes on to tell, “Like his father too ... he is always plotting against the fair and good; he is bold, enterprising, strong ... keen in the pursuit of wisdom ... a philosopher at all times ...” The idea that Love is a philosopher was interesting to me. It was interesting to think that a god could not be a philosopher because they already possess all that is good nor could the wise or the ignorant, because they are content and do not seek wisdom. To me, this rang as Plato’s love for Socrates. I think here he was saying, philosophy was perfect love, or at least the key to achieving it.

As I briefly mentioned, there were two types of love discussed by Diotima and Socrates: bodily love and the impregnation of body (between a man and a woman) and that of “being pregnant of the soul.” When we are discussion the Ladder of Love it is more the latter she was addressing. I read in “Love and the Ascent to the Beautiful” that the “pregnant of soul” concept was more equated to homosexual love (Reeve). I disagree with this point. If I were to try to define any type of love that it pertained to I would say it be pansexual or blind to gender. The concept of loving the soul doesn’t need a gender assignment and I don’t believe the ideals of Plato’s forms would agree with this idea either. The idea was the perfect form of Love.

Now, let us look at the ladder of love and how love progresses. Diotima speaks to Socrates about the progression of love. She speaks of how love begins from the beauties of the earth, and its link to our own quest for immortality. She speaks about how the love of a single body grows into loving two things. This offers the perspective that all fair bodily forms are worthy of love. Love however continues to expand to all bodies and practices which are fair and good and from here all fair notions. Love ends in an understanding of absolute beauty. Here is where one discovers the perfect Form of Beauty. To have love transform in this way, Plato was saying you had to be a Philosopher, because you first must desire something. In having that desire, you can then grow to discover true beauty and therefore true love.

Plato believed only things that had a perfect form were worth pursuing in life and he believed love had a perfect form encompassing all things good and fair. He believed by loving a single thing one could then grow to understand all good and fair things are worthy of love. However, to do this one must first desire and to desire made one a philosopher. In essence, this was the idea of Plato and his Forms.

Works Cited

Plato Symposium The Internet Classic Archive 360 B.C.E Web 11 Feb 2011

http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html

Reeve, C. D. C. “Love and the Ascent to the Beautiful” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy , 5 Feb. 2007. Web 11 Feb. 2011.

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/plato-friendship/#LovSoc

Holiday...

2010-11-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

So with the holidays coming I can't help but think about my Dad and my Aunt Wanda. Both passed away far too young. I miss them with all my heart. I am sad about all the things the boys do that I know my dad would have just simply split a side over. It hurts to know my boys won't know him. So for all of you out there give that special person if your life a hug, a call, just let them know you love them. I am thankful for having loved ones so wonderful even for the short time I had them. I am Thankful for my family. It wasn't easy for us to get these kids here but they are here. I am thankful we finally found Shayne and can share in her life as well. I am thankful for my employment, as difficult as my job can be at times, I am happy to have it. I am thankful that I been doing so well in school and just pray I will be able to complete my goals. I am thankful for my husband who takes amazing care of his family. I am thankful for my health and the health of my family. Enjoy Thanksgiving, lots of love to all my friends and family that I won't be spending the day with.

Life...

2010-11-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

So life has been kind of crazy lately. I have work and school and the kids and now getting healthy too, game nights at the house, holidays coming. I been feeling a bit overwhelmed at times. I just really need a little me time and I feel selfish even saying that. My hubby picks up a lot of slack for me with the kids and the house plus he does stuff like chop wood for our fire. Just my rant for the day....lol

Gay rights...

2010-10-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write something today about Gay rights... I want to first say I am straight, happily married with kids. Today I heard a statement that made me upset. They said current reports show that 7% of Americans are gay and forcing their agenda on the other 93% of us. The things is I agree gays need equal rights and I am sure there are many in that 93% that agree with me. To discriminate against someone because of their age, race, sex, and sexuality is WRONG! Discrimination is discrimination no matter how you look at it. Stop hating things that are different. This country was founded on the idea that all people were created equal and that we should all have equal rights, and all be entitled to pursuit of happiness. Guess what makes a gay couple happy? To live their lives as anyone else in our great nation. To be loved and to love openly, to work, to raise a family. These are all things EVERYONE has a right to. Please if you are tired of people discriminating stand up and add your name to the cause. Add yourself to the fight. Straight allies can help the rest of that 93% realize we won't tolerate hate! Check out http://www.hrc.org/ and if you are a gay, or questioning youth out there and struggling check out the http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ or heck you can contact me! It gets better because we make it better ... and if you are one of the people that are against gay marriage think about why ... When you vote for discrimination you are betraying the ideals of our forefathers. You shouldn't vote as your God tells you. You should vote as to what is right for ALL of our citizens or the freedom we stand for is a fraud. Freedom for all becomes freedom for some...

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." -Thomas Jefferson

New Blog

2010-10-14T09:19:00.001-07:00

Started a new food blog today about my weight loss. My Food Blog

PATHWAYS (Author Unknown):

2010-10-07T12:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it had been yet another bad day in the office, and once again it was the fault of that new girl, MaryAnne. She is one of those Wiccans, a so-called Witch. How can anyone in their right mind make this claim, knowing that it goes against God and all of the teachings of the Bible?

She doesn't even have the common decency to keep her satanic symbol, her pentagram necklace hidden from the view of the decent, God-fearing people in the office. She has some nerve. I find that I cannot hate her for this though, for I know that she has been deceived. Satan works his evil in ways that she cannot see.

I've seen that so called Wiccan Rede that she has tacked to the wall above her computer. On the surface, it looks like a decent loving belief, but all one must do is look, look closely and see that by practicing this way, and not embracing Jesus Christ as savior, she is on the pathway to Hell.

As I've said, it was a bad day in the office. Three times in the past few weeks I have been called in to see my supervisor, and he has told me that I am not allowed to preach to MaryAnne the word of God, to show her the error of her ways. Today, my supervisor told me that if I continue to "harass" MaryAnne, he would be forced to terminate me. How can he say this? He himself is a God fearing man. And, how can he be so tolerant of the evil that he sees insinuating itself into our workplace? As I lay down to sleep last night, I asked the Lord for guidance. "God, grant me a true vision of you, so that I may better lead the faithless onto the righteous path,"

"Oh, a true vision of Me is it? Are you sure that you're ready, truly ready to see, my son?"

I sat bolt upright in bed, and there, at the foot of my bed, white of hair and beard, in a long, flowing white robe, stood the Lord my God. I made to leap from the bed and fall to my knees in front of Him, but He stopped me with a gesture. "Kneel not before me at this time my son. Instead, rise and walk with Me, so that you may get a glimpse of what I truly am, as you asked of me in your prayer,"

He took my hand, and as I looked, my bedroom was no longer there, but a pathway thru the woods. We started to walk, and I was too awestruck for words. We took the path to the left, and we were then inside St. Catherine's Church, in the middle of a service. While still standing beside me, God seemed to expand and fill the whole of the church.

I could see smiles of contentment forming on some of the parishioners' faces. I felt blessed. God smiled upon me. "The Catholics hold such pretty masses, don't they? I like to stop here in this church, because not only do they speak the words, but also they live the life, thru teaching, helping the sick and poor, not only with handouts, but helping them learn to help themselves. Now let us walk on,"

And we were back on the pathway. We traveled a bit further along, and then were in the parlor of a funeral home. A young woman was kneeling before the casket, resting her head on it and crying. I could see by the similarity, that this dead man must be her father. God knelt beside her, and drew His arms about her. "Miss him, that is all right, but weep not for him, for now he is with Me".

She wiped her eyes, and stood with a sad smile upon her face, and said "Good-bye Daddy. I'll miss you," and turned and left the room.

And we were back on the pathway. We walked a little ways, and we were in front of a large lodge of some kind. I could hear music and laughter spilling out of the windows. I turned to look at God, and was shocked to see, not the flowing white robe, but Him wearing leather and animal furs, his hair and beard now the color of wheat, and a sword strapped across His back.

He strode forth, and I saw him approach a figure I had not seen before. As I looked close, I was shocked to see that it was the same face that I had just seen dead, but looking young and strong, and dressed in ancient looking garb, an ax strapped to his waist.

God strode up to him and grabbed him in a great bear hug. "Welcome my son. We've been waiting for you. Now, go inside and raise a cup or two, and meet with your brother." And, with a hearty slap on the back, he sent the man inside.

And then we were back on the pathway. We walked a bit further, and then we were in a mosque. At least I believed so, as I had never been in one before, but had seen pictures of them. The group of worshippers was not large, but I could see their rapt faces as they listened to the mullah speak. He was speaking to them of purity, both of the mind and the body, bringing them closer to Allah.

And as he spoke, God, dressed now in the robes of the desert, walked among them and briefly laid his hands upon each set of shoulders. And, from their faces, I could see that these men knew that the words of the mullah were true, and that their spirits felt touched by God.

And then we were back on the pathway. After we had walked a bit, we found ourselves in an African village. People with skin as black as night, the women with their breast shamefully bared, were dancing in a circle, to the rhythm of the drums being played by a group of men. Somehow though, the bared breasts did not offend me, and the music seemed to seep into my soul.

God was then a mighty lion, and He let forth a mighty roar. The villagers did not seem to hear, but the drums increased their pounding, and the dancers danced with frenzy.

And then we were back on the pathway. We walked a bit more, and were on the top of a cliff. There sat, painted and covered with feathers, an old Navajo man. As I watched, he seemed to change into the form of an eagle and take flight, and we were flying with him, soaring high into the air, seeing the vista spread out below us.

And God, in the form of an eagle Himself, seemed to guide this other eagle thru the air, over mountains and thru valleys, until he came upon a group of men. As I watched, the old Navajo man was no longer an eagle, but a young boy instead, and he sat at the feet of these men, to listen to the words of his elders.

And then we were back on the pathway. We traveled a bit, and then we were in a forest clearing. I knew this place. It was known as a place of devil worship and evil. In the center of the clearing roared a great bonfire, and kiwi torches outlined a circle of sorts. Inside this circle, in a circle themselves, stood 7 men and 6 women, dressed in robes of varying colors, their arms raised to the moon.

Was that one woman MaryAnne? I really couldn't be sure. And God walked among them in the circle, touching each one. He seemed not to be an older man now, but as he made each of three turns around the circle, he was first a young girl, bouncing with energy, then a woman of middle years, with a tender smile for all Her children, and finally, an old woman, body bent, but holding Her head up with pride. And a woman stepped forward, and yes, it was MaryAnne, and lifted her head to the sky.

"Great Goddess, Mother of us all, thank you for joining us tonight. Stay if You will, go if You must. Know in our hearts You will always be welcome. Blessed be!!"

And we were back on the pathway. As we walked along, ahead in the distance I saw the most beautiful man. Yes, beautiful, though I would never normally think of a man this way. With blonde hair, and a golden robe, he seemed to radiate sunshine. God and this golden man nodded to each other as they passed, sharing a smile together. "My Lord" I asked, "was that an angel?" "Well, yes, he is known as that to some. He is also known to some as a god himself. That was Lucifer" And His words caused me to stumble. I couldn't believe that we had just passed the ultimate evil. God looked at me, and He knew my mind. And He chuckled a bit. "Think about it logically My son. The Lucifer that you know is a fallen angel, cast out of heaven for challenging Me. If I am the all-powerful being, above all others, how could he do this? How could I allow it?" "But, in the bible...." I stammered. "The Bible is a wonderful book, as are the Koran and the Torah and many others, but they are just books, written by the hand of man, not written by Me. And, it's a bit confusing as well if the truth be known, but that's not up to Me to fix. These books are wonderful, but only as guidance, for each man and woman must think for themselves."

And, I believed He was right in this. "Now, come forth, we must journey a little more before you go back." and He took my hand once again. As we followed the pathway, we soared thru the stars, listening to the music of the heavens, we became a little flower and a mighty oak, we became a babbling brook, and a mighty ocean. We flitted from flower to flower as a little honeybee, and ran across the plains as a mighty stallion.

And, all too soon the pathway returned us to my home. God held my hand a moment longer, and smiled into my face. "My son, you prayed tonight for a true vision of Me. For vision, you must only open your eyes and see what there is to see. Good night to you". And then He was gone, and I was back in my bed. A dream I thought, only a dream, that couldn't have been real.

At that time, a bolt of lightning lit up my room thru the window, and thunder crashed thru the sky, and I thought I heard, from seemingly far away, "Remember, the Lord works in mysterious ways My son".

This morning as I entered the office, I went to the machine for a cup of coffee, and standing there, I spied MaryAnne. As I approached her, I could see her barely cringe, and I could see in her face that she was expecting yet another onslaught from me and my book. She seemed to cast her eyes about for a way to escape, but there was none.

I walked up to her and smiled. "I think I owe you an apology," I said. "I've been a bit narrow minded of late, and I really had no right to subject you to what I did. It's not up to me to say how you find your path to your spirit, and I was wrong to think that was so."

MaryAnne just stood there, not knowing what to say. "So, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry, and I hope you will forgive my trespass. God bless you MaryAnne, and...uh....Blessed Be?"

You know, I always thought that it was just a saying; about people's jaws dropping to the floor, but MaryAnne did her best at that moment to prove me wrong.

Freedom of Religion means ALL Religions.

The Troll-Tear (author unknown) A Children's Story for Samhain:

2010-10-07T12:47:00.000-07:00

The night was very dark, with a Full Moon hanging in the cloud-filled sky above. The air was crisp with the feel of late autumn and the doorway between the worlds was wide open. Carved pumpkins sat on the porches of the houses in the little town, and the laughter of children dressed in costumes could be heard from the streets. It was a sad time for Beth as she climbed the little hill behind her house. In her arms was her cat and friend Smoky, carefully wrapped in his favorite blanket. A little grave was already dug on the hill, waiting, for Smoky had died that day. "Do you want me to go with you?"; Beth's father had asked.

"I dug his grave beside MacDougal's at the top of the hill."; Beth clearly remembered when their dog MacDougal had died after being hit by a car. "no, I want to go by myself," she answered. Beth stopped at the top of the hill and knelt beside the little grave. She carefully laid Smoky's blanket-wrapped form in the earth and covered it with dirt, laying several large rocks on the top. Then she cried and cried. "Oh, Smoky, I miss you so much!"; Beth looked up at the Moon, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why did you die?; "It was his time to rejoin the mother,"; said a deep, gentle voice in the darkness.

"Who said that?"; Beth looked around but saw no one.

"Dying is part of the cycle of life, you know."; One of the boulders on the hill stirred into life.

"Who are you?" The moonlight shone down on the little woman, and Beth could see she was not human. "I'm a troll-wife," said the creature as she came to sit across from Beth. "This is a sad night for both of us, girl. I, too, came to this hill to bury a friend." The troll-wife wiped a crystal tear from her cheek. "The squirrel was very old. Still it makes me sad." Beth stared at the troll-wife. The little woman was the color of rock in the moonlight, her hair like long strands of moss, her bright eyes like shining crystals. She wore a dress woven of oak leaves and tree bark. "The squirrel and I lived together for a long time," the troll-wife said. "We often talked to your cat when he was hunting here on the hill. Smoky and I were friends. I shall miss him, too. "The little woman patted Smoky 's grave gently, "Sleep well, little friend. When you are rested, we shall talk together again." "But he's dead," Beth said, her voice choked with tears. "Child, this is Samhain. Don't you know the ancient secrets of this sacred time of year"; The troll-wife motioned for Beth to come and sit beside her. "It is true that our friends have gone into a world where we can no longer physically touch them, but the Mother has given us other ways of communicating with them. We can do this any time, but the time of Samhain is the easiest" "I don't understand how this can be done, "; Beth said" or why Samhain makes it easier,"; "At this time of year" the troll-wife answered, "the walls between this world and the world of souls and spirits are very thin. If we quiet and listen, we can hear our loved ones and they can hear us. We talk, not with spoken words, but with the heart and mind" "Isn't that just imagination?"; Beth looked down at Smoky's grave, tears once more coming into her eyes. "Like my thinking I can feel MacDougal get up on my bed at night like he used to?"; "Sometimes it is, but mostly it is not imagination, only our friends come to see us in their spirit bodies"; The troll-wife reached up her hand and patted something Beth couldn't see on her shoulder. "Like my friend the raven. He is here now."

Beth looked hard and saw a thin form of hazy moonlight on the troll-wife's shoulder. "I've seen something like that at the foot of my bed where MacDougal used to sleep." She whispered.

" I thought I was dreaming." She jumped as something nudged her arm. When she looked down, nothing was there. The troll-wife smiled. "Close your eyes and think of MacDougal," she said. "He has been waiting a long time for you to see him." Beth closed her eyes and, at once, the form of her little dog came into her mind. His tail wagged with happiness. She felt a wave of love come from him, and she sent her love back. Then she felt the dog lie down against her leg. "Can I do this with Smoky?" Beth asked.

"Not yet," the troll-wife answered. " He needs to sleep a while and rest. Then he will come to you. This gives Smoky time to adjust to his new world, and you time to grieve for him. It is not wrong to grieve, but we must not grieve forever."

"I never thought of it that way," Beth said. "It's kind of like they moved away, and we can only talk to them on the phone."

"It is this way with all creatures, not just animals."

The troll-wife stood up and held out a hand to Beth. "Will you join me, human girl? Although I buried my friend squirrel this night, I still must dance and sing to all my friends and ancestors who have gone on their journey into the other world. For this is a time to honor the ancestors." Beth joined the troll-wife in the ancient slow troll dances around the top of the little hill in the moonlight. She watched quietly while the troll-wife called out troll-words to the four directions, words Beth couldn't understand. Deep in her heart the girl felt the power of the strange words and knew they were given in honor and love by the little troll-wife. When the troll-wife was finished with her ritual, she hugged Beth. "Go in peace, human child," she said. "And remember what I have told you about the ancient secret of Samhain." "I will," Beth answered. "Will I ever see you again?" "Whenever the Moon is Full, I will be here," the little troll-wife said. "And especially at Samhain." "I wish I had something to give you." Beth hugged the little woman.

"You have taught me so much." She felt the tears come to her eyes again. "Let us exchange tears for our lost friends." The troll-wife reached up a rough finder and caught a tear as it fell from Beth's eye. The tear glistened on her finger. The troll-wife gently touched her finger to her cloak, and Beth's tear shone there like a diamond in the moonlight.

Beth reached up carefully and caught one of the troll-wife's tears as it slid down her rough cheek. It turned into a real crystal in her hand. "Remember the secret of Samhain, and remember me," the troll-wife said softly as she disappeared into the darkness. Beth walked back down the hill, the crystal clutched in her hand. Her father was waiting for her on the porch. "Are you all right?" her father asked as he gave Beth a hug.

"I will be," she answered. She opened her hand under the porch light and saw a perfect, tear-shaped crystal lying there.

"Did you find something?" her father asked.

"troll-tear" Beth answered, and her father smiled. For he also knew the little troll-wife and the secret of Samhain.

Dragons!

2010-10-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Click my Dragon Eggs to help them grow!
Don't Forget me!

Google Voice

2010-05-26T15:12:00.001-07:00

Added a google voice button today. Enjoy!

Converstation with a 4 year old

2010-03-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

So I was with my 4 year old today and happen to see a teddy bear my father had given him on his bed.

I said, "Nicholas, did you know your Pop-Pop Day give you this bear?"

He said, "No."

I said, "I bet you don't remember him much. You were just little when he passed away."

He replied,"No, I remember he gave me this bear."

I then asked him,"Oh yeah, do you remember anything else about him?"

"No" then he paused and said,"Mommy, can we go see my Pop-Pop Day?"

I said, "I am sorry sweety, no Pop-Pop passed away and he is in Heaven."

Nicholas replied,"Mommy can we go to Heaven to meet my Pop-Pop Day?"

"I am sorry sweety we can't go to Heaven yet that is where we go when we get old and pass away, so you will get to meet your Pop-Pop then, but I want you to know your Pop-Pop loved you very much," said to him. It was one of the cuties conversations I think I have had with him. Made my heart break a little that he won't remember my father.

Thank you,

2010-03-06T11:26:00.001-08:00

You know, my father was a Marine. He served our country and fought for his country in Vietnam. He was a patriot and instilled in me a sense of right and pride in our country. My husband protected our President while he was serving our country in the Army. I was thinking today about all the men and women who give their lives to protect our great nation. I am not talking about just those that lose their lives, but give it. The men and women who sacrifice a “normal” life, like staying home with their loved ones, their babies. Without them we would not be here. We would not be free. Generations of men and women before us have sacrificed so we can be normal. They give that up so their children can live a normal life. I just though about them today. I though about my happy life, my home, my children and how much I have and it made me thankful all for their sacrifice. My father was a hero to me. My husband is a hero to me. I want to thank all those heros who serve and sacrifice. Thank you.

Awesome Artist

2010-02-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

Check out this awesome artist. http://urielx1x.deviantart.com/

Researched Argument 2

2010-02-10T18:02:00.000-08:00

Nuclear Green

Iran must be sanctioned to stop its nuclear research. Nuclear technologies are dangerous: not only because of risks like radiation but also because it is not too far of a leap from nuclear power to nuclear weapons. In a world of tension and continued holy wars, allowing this development is extremely ill advised. Iran says it intends only to develop nuclear power. However, when the world asks the Iranian government to be open about its progress, it has yet to respond. The Iranian government has also been asked to allow the uranium it has to be enriched in another country to ensure it is enriched for power needs and not weapon needs. It has refused. This further concerns the world that Iran is not being truthful about its endeavors. Sanctions are needed to bring this country in line.

Our current plan of action does appear to be sanctions. President Barack Obama has recently stated that he is discussing “a package of potential steps” to dissuade the Iranians from moving forward on its nuclear program (Burns). Recently, President Obama has asked Iranian leaders to allow Germany to enrich its uranium for nuclear power. They have refused. Trita Parsi, president of the National Iranian American Council, believes, "You may have a political system [in Tehran] that is so fractured, that is so at each other's throat, that they are incapable of making a decision of this magnitude" (Burns). Dr. Mohamed ElBaradei, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency, has said, “It is now well over a year since the agency was last able to engage Iran in discussions about these outstanding issues ... We have effectively reached a dead end, unless Iran engages fully with us” (Sanger and Broad). This has resulted in a censure against Iran demanding immediate freeze of operations on its once secret uranium enrichment plant.

Taking into account the enrichment plant that Iran was trying to keep secret and its lack of cooperation when it comes to the enrichment of its uranium, it is hard to mistake the intent. Perhaps Trita Parsi is right in saying that the country is just so broken. It seems as if they themselves do not know what is truly happening. In either case the country’s further development of nuclear technologies is a dangerous event. If the Iranian government is keeping it a secret intentionally then we know it has some plan to attack with these weapons of mass destruction. Even worse, if it is broken enough to not know what is happening, then who is pushing this development? These weapons would fall into the hands of whoever is responsible for these actions. This means we would know nothing of their intentions or who they are. With terrorist attacks in mind this idea is even more a concern.

What we need is to have Iran come clean on what it is doing or admit it needs help. If Iran cannot come forward and declare it does not intend to produce nuclear weapons and follow it with actions that support this statement, we need to impose sanctions on the country until they comply. The world is not asking them to not use nuclear power for civilian use. Russia currently has a contract to build a nuclear power plant in Iran which would not come online until the end of the year. Russia recently announced that plant will not come on line as planned. However, they do state the recent developments are not part of the delay (Schwirtz). Iran’s lack of cooperation will continue to cause delays on its power front. Many countries have made the message clear that the proliferation of nuclear weapons just increases the risk of a nuclear war. In 1995 the NPT Review and Extension Conference in New York decided to extend the treaty on the non-proliferation of nuclear weapons indefinitely and without conditions extended. This treaty was signed by nearly every country in the world with the exception of three, India, Israel, and Pakistan. Iran has signed the treaty but has been found breaking the agreement (IAEA). It should also be noted the North Korea had signed but removed itself from the treaty effective on April 10, 2003, making North Korea the first state ever to withdraw from the treaty (Chaffee).

In a world where we know the risks of continuing to pollute our planet, why do we not start a new reform? We should have no more nuclear processing for power or weapons. The production of nuclear power produces nuclear waste that must be disposed of. Current methods of disposal are to box up the waste and burry it. This is a short sighted solution to power. Choosing a form of power like solar that is 100% renewable and produces no byproducts that are not recyclable is a much smarter solution to the world’s energy needs.

If countries like Iran need power why not offer solar as an option? Give them incentives to use solar or other green sources. If their intentions are for power and not weaponry then the added incentives we offer could not only allow for greener energy production worldwide but also help eliminate tensions over nuclear proliferation. What incentives could the world offer? One, we can lift any sanction imposed due to the nuclear concerns once transparency has been established that the nuclear issue is off the table and they are moving toward greener solutions. Also, we could offer to share technology advancements to ensure these still developing countries are using the current standard and getting the most effective energy.

It has been said that the world has lost patience with Iran and is demanding it come forward, without delay, and comply. Why not assist a country obviously in need of assistance make a smarter decision about its energy choice and at the same time help eliminate worldwide concern about any ulterior motives that may be currently perceived. Not only should we offer these changes but as a country we should also accept this policy of moving away from nuclear energy and other fossil fuel energy sources and start thinking about our long- term goals as a people. Why not strive for a clean sustainable society with ideals we live and share? We should lead by example and help bring peace and green energy to the world.

Works Cited Burns, Robert. “Analysis: Outlook for tough Iran sanctions is dim” Google New Associated Press, 20 Nov. 2009. Web 29 Nov. 2009. http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5itVAEn685-_5kQcQNRMJragq1lbQD9C35FF00 .

Chaffee, Devon. “North Korea’s Withdrawal from Nonproliferation Treaty Official” Nuclear Age Peace Foundation, April 2003. Web 29 Nov. 2009. http://www.wagingpeace.org/articles/2003/04/10_chaffee_korea-npt.htm .

International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA). “Implementation of the NPT Safeguards Agreement in the Islamic Republic of Iran” International Atomic Energy Agency, Nov. 2003. Web 29 Nov. 2009. http://www.iaea.org/Publications/Documents/Board/2003/gov2003-75.pdf .

Sanger, David E. and William J. Broad. “U.N. Nuclear Agency Calls Iran Inquiry ‘Dead End’” New York Times, 26 Nov. 2009. Web 29 Nov. 2009. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/27/world/middleeast/27nuke.html?scp=4&sq=iran%20watchdog&st=cse .

Schwirtz, Michael. “Nuclear Plant Built for Iran Is Delayed, Russia Says” New York Times, 16 Nov. 2009. Web 29 Nov. 2009. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/world/europe/17russia.html .

Researched Argument 1

2010-02-06T12:39:00.000-08:00

Two Kinds of Marriage

Why do we not allow gay marriage in our country? Currently our federal law allows states to not recognize same-sex marriage licenses issued by other states. The Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, was signed into law by President Clinton in 1996 (Stritof). Federal law currently does not define marriage even though it does not recognize gay marriages. Recently, there was an effort to define marriage as "a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife" (Lavoie). However, this was removed from the bill before final passage in favor of recognizing each state's right to define marriage (Lavoie). The most common public objection is that it is a sin, or the Bible says it is wrong. Then there are other objections that vary from the concern for these couples raising children to arguments that marriage is to promote procreation and this cannot be done in a gay marriage. Despite all the objections we are ignoring the civil rights of these couples.

There are two kinds of marriage in our country. There is a spiritual marriage. This is a marriage between two people under a higher power that they wish to acknowledge. This can be any god, goddess, or belief they wish to accept. There is no legal ramification to this form of marriage, nor any legal benefit. This part of marriage is mainly for the people involved. It is the couple‘s way of affirming their devotion to each other. This currently is available to anyone who wants it. This is what the marriage has been for thousands of years and this is the form of marriage most people are objecting to based on their spiritual beliefs. It is fine to believe your God does not condone gay unions. That is part of our country's religious freedom. The differences begin when a couple applies for a marriage license. Many couples do this at the same time as their spiritual union. This makes the marriage legally binding as well. This is the part of marriage that gays are being excluded from.

So we are not talking about a spiritual union. We are talking about the legal union of a marriage license. This is the current institution of marriage. This is what offers all the legal rights and benefits that come along with this marriage. This is law, not spirituality. This marriage is combining legal assets like income. It is legally binding someone as a beneficiary or allowing for equitable division of property if they divorce. Marriage allows a spouse to make medical decisions for their partner if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Could you imagine not being allowed to express your loved one's wishes if they became ill or incapacitated? As a gay couple it would be possible a loved one, whom they considered their spouse, would have no legal right to declare their wishes. If their partner dies a wrongful death they have no legal recourse to sue for their loss (NOLO). These are rights that should not be denied any couple. Allowing gay marriage would protect these rights for these couples. I spoke with Dr. Vincent Silenzio, a well respected family medicine doctor and advocate for gay and lesbian health, on this topic. He said, “These rights are granted married couples automatically because it is presumed that a spouse is intimately familiar with the wishes of their partner, and would help with medical or legal decision-making with the best interests of their spouse as the most important factor. Of course, this is a lot to presume. But that's where this policy framework for partner's rights flows from.” So would it not make sense that these rights should be extended to gay couples as well. Allowing them to marry would make these lines less blurred and allow these couples equal rights under the law.

Another major opposition to gay marriage is these couples raising children. To me this point is moot as an argument against allowing gays to marry. Gay couples currently raise children, married or not. According to the 2000 Census data about twenty percent of gay couples are raising children (Romero et al. 1). These numbers however are estimated to be much higher, closer to thirty-seven percent, due to limitations in their data collecting. The same study found under fifty percent of married couples have children under the age of eighteen (Romero et al. 3). How many more gay couples would have children if they were afforded the same rights as any other couple? We no longer live in an age where marriage automatically implies children. In these cases we need to look at what is best for the children. Gay couples are going to have children. By not allowing them the same rights and resources, we put the child at a great disadvantage. Their parents cannot rely on the same family laws as current married couples. What happens to these children when a couple splits (such as a divorce)? They have no ability to request child support assistance, or if their parents die, they are excluded from social security benefits that would be otherwise offered to them if these marriages were recognized by the federal government.

When need to look at marriage as a union of two people who share economic and social responsibilities. This will also offer bonds of trust and reliance upon one another.We then see this can easily apply to any couple. The issue is not whether or not to allow gay marriage. It is about providing the same rights to all of our citizens without discrimination of race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation. Our country was founded on the idea of separation of Church and State. If we offer benefits to one couple all couples should have equal rights to these benefits. The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution extends “equal protection of the laws” to all citizens. Denying a gay couple marriage is denying them equal rights under the law. Thomas Jefferson once said, “All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will, to be rightful, must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal laws must protect, and to violate would be oppression” (Heritage).

We need to start offering equal rights to all. Our country once felt slavery was an acceptable practice. Many now believe denying gays the right to marry is acceptable. It is not. When asked if you support gay marriage, before you answer, I ask you to consider it not from the spiritual sense, but from a legal view as a binding contract between two people. Is it still wrong? As Americans we are required to protect our civil rights and to treat each other equally under the law. We need to separate Church from State so we can continue to protect the rights of all. Not allowing gay marriage in our law is discrimination. Not allowing it in our churches is our right as Americans. This is the difference we need to consider when addressing this change. As John F. Kennedy once said, “In giving rights to others which belong to them, we give rights to ourselves and to our country.”

Works Cited
Heritage Foundation, The. "Thomas Jefferson Still Lives" heritage.org, Web 27 Oct 2009. http://www.heritage.org/research/politicalphilosophy/em724.cfm .

Lavoie, Denise. “Massachusetts Sues The Federal Government Over Definition Of Marriage” The Huffington Post, July 2009. Web 2 Nov. 2009. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/08/massachusetts-sues-the-fe_n_228044.html .

NOLO. “Marriage Rights and Benefits” nolo.com. Web 27 Oct. 2009. http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/article-30190.html .

Romero, Adam P. , et al. “Census Snapshot” The Williams Institute, Dec. 2007. Web 27 Oct. 2009. http://www.law.ucla.edu/williamsinstitute/publications/USCensusSnapshot.pdf .

Silenzio, Vincent M. B. Personal Interview. 3 Nov. 2009.

Stritof, Sheri, and Bob Stritof. "Defense of Marriage Act - - DOMA" about.com, Web 3 Nov. 2009. http://marriage.about.com/cs/samesexmarriage/g/doa.htm .

Personal Argument Essay

2010-02-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

Protecting My Piglets

As a mother of two boys I have had to make a decision, along with my husband, about vaccinating our two boys against the novel H1N1 virus. This was not an easy choice for me. I knew the vaccine could be painful for my boys and possibly harmful. My children have already received their seasonal flu vaccination this year. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC has been clear that the seasonal vaccine will not protect against the novel H1N1 influenza (CDC). I wanted to be sure the benefits of the vaccination outweighed the risks.

One of my main concerns is the fast pace at which that the vaccine has been tested and produced. Can it really be ready for distribution this quickly? Is that not what the long extensive testing is for? Is the new vaccine safe? Some have questioned the safety of the vaccine because of the rush that was placed on the vaccination's creation and testing. The CDC has stated, in a recent webcast, that the novel H1N1 vaccination has not only been produced safely, but also had additional testing just to be sure it was safe. The novel H1N1 vaccine has been manufactured in the same way as the seasonal influenza vaccination that our country has been using for decades. The FDA still ran clinical testing, however, to guarantee no additional side-effects would arise (CDC).

I also considered the possibly harmful additives that are used to preserve the vaccination. These chemicals can vary by manufacturer.However, some common ones are mercury and formaldehyde. Both of these substances are in extremely low quantities just as in the seasonal vaccination I currently give my children. I have not seen any adverse affects from the seasonal vaccination so I do not expect to see any effect from the novel H1N1 vaccination. I do still worry, however, as my children take more and more vaccinations if these small amounts could possibly add up enough to be an issue. For example, the CDC is recommending both the seasonal flu shot, the novel H1N1 (possibly two doses), and even in some cases the bacterial pneumonia vaccine, because a large number of the investigated deaths from the novel H1N1 virus have also found traces of bacterial pneumonia (CDC). Now add on top of these three (possibly four) shots and any other vaccinations the children are due for during their visit I must ask myself: could I possibly poison them?

I also took into account my children's chances of contracting the novel H1N1 virus, and if the vaccination would be less of a risk than serious complications from the virus. According to the CDC the largest age group currently affected by the virus is people ages five to twenty-four. This age range accounts for fifty percent of the current reports. My husband and I are both above this range and both of our children are below. My husband and I both work from home so we have no concern about work environment and the children do not attend school. So there should be less of an immediate risk for them contracting the virus. My children are also both healthy with no known underlying issues which should also help reduce their risks of any extreme outcome if they were to contract the novel H1N1 virus.

What other methods could I use to help protect against the novel H1N1 virus? The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services has suggested the following everyday steps to protect your health:

           •Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
           •Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
           •Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
           •Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
           •Stay home if you are sick until at least 24 hours after you no longer have a fever (100°F or 37.8°C) or signs of a fever (without the use of a fever-reducing medicine, such as Tylenol®). Read detailed information about how long to stay away from others.
           •Follow public health advice regarding school closures, avoiding crowds and other social distancing measures (HHS).

Presented with the current facts and my previous experience with the seasonal vaccination, I do believe my husband and I will vaccinate our children. I do not believe we will rush to be in the first rounds. I do not feel we are in a high risk situation. The limited supplies should go to those truly in need. This will also allow time to verify that there are no added side effects the clinical trials failed to represent. This will make the decision an even safer one for my children. In the mean time we will continue to practice good habits like washing our hands often and avoiding close contact during the flu season.

Works Cited

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). “2009 H1N1 Influenza Vaccine Inactiveated Fact Sheet”:n pag. Web 5 Oct. 2009. http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/vis/downloads/vis-inact-h1n1.pdf .
“Webcast: Sebelius, Napolitano Answer H1N1 Flu Questions from the American People” :n pag. Web 5 Oct. 2009. http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/webcast.htm .
“Interim guidance for use of 23-valent pneumococcal polysaccharide vaccine during novel influenza A (H1N1) outbreak”:n pag. Web 5 Oct. 2009. http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/guidance/ppsv_h1n1.htm .

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS) “Prevention & Treatment”:n pag, Web 5 Oct. 2009. http://www.flu.gov/individualfamily/prevention/index.html .

Written Argument Analysis

2010-02-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

Life for Life

In an excerpt from her book Dead Man Walking: An Eyewitness Account of the Death Penalty in the United States (649), Sister Helen Prejean is opposed to the death penalty and is seeking it being abolished. She has some very compelling arguments.

Sister Helen sets a clear tone for her work in the first paragraph: "I think of the running debate I engage in with “church” people about the death penalty. “Proof texts” from the bible usually punctuate these discussions without regard for cultural context or literary genre of the passage invoked. (Will D. Campbell, a Southern Baptist minister and writer, calls this use of scriptural quotations “biblical quarterbacking.”)" (649)

She notes that she often debates the subject of the death penalty. This brings a sense of authority to her stance and helps her credibility as an authority. She also finds most arguments fail because of the use of biblical references out of context. Appealing to our sense of reason, she describes the most common “proof texts” and sets them in proper context. This was an effective argument because she takes the most commonly used references to support the death penalty and places them in to context to show they were not Jesus supporting death as punishment but more about Mosaic laws at the time these stories were written.

Her weakest argument was the section discussing the history of the Church since Jesus's teachings. Here she speaks about the corruption in the Roman Catholic Church and the invention of "original sin." Sister Helen concludes, Augustine used “original sin” to control the church’s subjects by violent means, even death (651). This part of her argument could have been left out. It felt more like a frustrated attack at the church rather then helping support her cause of abolishing the death penalty. She does, however, supply a source for the information she provides about the documented corruption, wealth, and status that it brought to the Church. This helps again in giving her credibility by showing some of her research.

In her closing argument she states an understanding that we allow executions not because of malice but more out of ignorance of what really happens during these events. Sister Helen has attended an execution and is confident if they were made public we would be ashamed of the process and be forced to abolish the practice. She is speaking from the heart here. This is not a successful argument, however, because she has seen an execution and could share the things she has seen to help break the secret. In this text, however, here she just provides general terms and descriptions of “torture and violence” (653).

Another strong argument from Sister Helen was a list of other actions that if we were to follow the laws set forth in the bible would also be punishable by death: contempt of parents, trespass upon sacred ground, sorcery, bestiality, sacrifice to foreign gods, profaning the Sabbath, adultery, incest, homosexuality, and prostitution. Sister Helen then goes on to surmise that if we try to use the bible as justification for the death penalty, then the above offenses would also be worthy of the same punishment. This argument was very successful as it appeals to our sense of logic when looking to the bible as justification for using the death penalty.

Sister Helen also discusses two flares of hope, as she puts it, Mohandas K. Gandhi and Martin Luther King (652). She was referencing a short essay by Susan Jocoby where she discusses nonviolent aggression. She continues to grow her credibility with more shown research. This is a key point of her argument. Her point here is change can come without violence and if we follow Jesus’s words of compassion, we cannot afford to allow executions. Sister Helen says they cost us to much, morally (652). For a person of faith, this argument would be very successful by appealing to one‘s belief in Jesus.

One thing she failed to address here is the alternatives to the death penalty. Life in prison is costly to our society as well. The cost of housing, feeding, clothing, and maintaining a prisoner takes a toll on our country's economy, and there is a point when the benefit of the greater good does outweigh the life of one. Sister Helen made her best argument when she said, “I would not want my death avenged -- especially by government, which can’t be trusted to control its own bureaucrats or collect taxes equitably or fill a pothole, much less decide which of its citizens to kill” (649).

Works Cited Barnet, Sylvan, and Hugo Bedau, eds. Current Issues and Enduring Questions: A Guide to Critical Thinking and Argument, with Readings. 8th ed. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2008. Print.

Prejean, Helen. “Executions Are Too Costly—Morally.” In Barnet and Bedau 649-653.

Visual Argument Analysis Essay

2010-02-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

Eyes of Pain I chose to analyze a photo taken in 1936, by photographer Dorothea Lange (Barnet and Bedau 165). The original title was “Destitute pea pickers in California. Mother of seven children. Age thirty-two. Nipomo, California.” The photo is also well known as “Migrant Mother” (PPOC). The photo captured me emotionally and this is why I chose it for my analysis.

The photo is a portrait of a mother and three of her young children clinging to her as she stares pondering into the distance. Her mouth is slightly turned down in a frown, her children's faces are buried in her shoulders, and a baby laying in her lap. The look in her eyes is as if she does not even recognize her children are with her as she considers what will come of them. Her brow is heavily wrinkled with concern. Their clothes are torn, dirty, and tattered. The baby's face is covered in dirt as its eyes are closed. When looking closer at the baby one may ask, “Is it sleeping?” or “Has it passed away?” With the children's faces hidden one is only left to imagine if they are crying. Are they mourning the baby? Perhaps they are scared, like their mother, of what their fates will be.

The photo was taken during the Great Depression. This was a time when many people in our country were homeless, hungry, and looking for work. I believe Lange was trying to capture the urgency of the situation. We see in her photo these tired, poor, and hungry people starving as they sit waiting for opportunity. Lange spoke about the photo in an article she did in 1960, saying, “There she sat in that lean-to tent with her children huddled around her, and seemed to know that my pictures might help her, and so she helped me. There was a sort of equality about it” (EyeWitness).

Lange wanted to emphasize how bad things really were in the region and wanted to help. After taking the photos she contacted an editor of a San Francisco news paper about what she had seen and the condition of the camp. The editor then published an article with two of the photos Lange had taken that day. The government had also been alerted and aid was rushed to the camp (EyeWitness). Lange achieved her goal of helping this woman. The aid had much to do with the photographs she took that day. The photos told their story better than words could have described. Some could argue that she explained the context of what she had seen, but this photo was able to show what the words had been failing to portray: the pain. One could see the pain in the mother’s eyes. The heavy burden she carried with her was clearly seen in her face.

This image was a vision of suffering that people of the age were all too aware of but many had not seen with their own eyes. The photo was able to bring this tragedy to life for readers not only locally but around the country. It was able to bring aid to those pictured as well as many others suffering the same fate. This image is so striking and memorable. This is for good reason: it tells a story. The photo shows true emotions and it is sure to make an impact on nearly everyone who sees it. The image overall is a very touching picture that shows the pain of a world one could only imagine. It is tragically sad and strikingly beautiful all at the same time. It is compelling and intriguing. It is life and truth. Perhaps most of all it was an argument that won.

Work Cited
Barnet, Sylvan, and Hugo Bedau, eds. Current Issues and Enduring Questions: A Guide to Critical Thinking and Argument, with Readings. 8th ed. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2008. Print.

EyeWitness to History, "Migrant Mother, 1936,": Web. 30 Aug. 2009. http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com .

Prints & Photographs Online Catalog (PPOC), “Migrant Mother.”: Web. 30 Aug. 2009. http://lcweb2.loc.gov/pp/pphome.html .

ENG 102 Papers...

2010-02-04T21:55:00.000-08:00

I had been posting my papers from my ENG 101 class and I have not had a chance to post any of my ENG 102 papers. I will see if I get a moment if I can post them. There are 5 total.

Been a while

2010-02-04T11:28:00.000-08:00

So I haven't written in a while. I have been very busy. School is still going well. Still holding a 4.0 so can't complain. Work has been crazy, they are adding 6 hours of mandatory OT every week for the next few weeks. With the kids and school this hurts a bit, but hey at least we'll have some extra cash out of it. Got our taxes done too. We think we might take the money and pay off the STi. This will be great since it would basically eliminate a car payment and we would then own the car. Still Kitting and taking photos. I just have a lot less time to do it. Overall however things are good. I feel blessed as always to have such a wonderful husband, and family, to have a great job, and many good friends in our life as well, to have our health and happiness. Hopefully I will have some time to get outside and catch some of the coming spring on the camera and get some knitting done so next year my friends can have warm stuff...lol -Anna

Infrared flower

2009-09-10T22:27:00.001-07:00

Infrared flower
Originally uploaded by Kenneth B

Just wanted to share this...it is a photo a very talented friend of mine took and I love it, enjoy!

Bella Mittens

2009-09-01T21:11:00.001-07:00

Bella Mittens
Originally uploaded by onemoreblue

Finally finished my mittens. Now I just need to knit 3 more pairs for Kim, Shirley and Kristian, woo hoo, one of them down 5 more to go...hehe

More knitting...

2009-08-12T19:33:00.001-07:00

Finally been knitting again, although I might be a little insane knitting wrist warmers and mittens in August, but hey at least I will have them for when fall and winter come rolling in...

And for comparison here is what they looked like in the show. I have some other yarns to make more pairs in a similar color...

2009-07-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

So I haven’t written in a long while, been busy with work, the kids, school etc. My Mom recently came to visit the kids. I also finally been knitting a little again. I finished one of the pair of my Doomsday Wrist Warmers. I got some new rocking shoes recently. Overall things have been just normal day to day, can’t complain, but nothing super exciting either. School is going well, looks like I am going to get an “A” in Math this semester.

Photography...

2009-04-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

So I think I might have found a new hobby, Photography. I guess having a nice camera can inspire this hobby, but since we got the new Nikon D90 I really been enjoying taking picture. Here is a link to some photos I took of flowers and plants at the Philadelphia Zoo yesterday. I really think some of them could be print worthy. Not that I am trying to make money on my photos... =P

Click on this Picture to see the rest.

100% on my last paper!

2009-04-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

Well this was my 2nd to last paper and I managed a 100%. It was a personal argument essay...

To Snip or Not to Snip

As a mother of two boys I have had to make a decision, along with my husband, about circumcising our two boys. This was not an easy choice for me with either child. I knew the process could be painful for my boys and I wanted to be sure the benefits of the procedure outweighed the risks. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states, “Scientific studies show some medical benefits of circumcision. However, these benefits are not sufficient for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) to recommend that all infant boys be circumcised” (AAP). The AAP does offer some additional resources by listing common reasons one may or may not choose to circumcise a child. The thing I found most interesting about the information offered was their wording used: Reasons parents may choose not to circumcise The following are reasons why parents may choose NOT to have their son circumcised:

Fear of the risks. Complications are rare and usually minor but may include bleeding, infection, cutting the foreskin too short or too long, and improper healing.
Belief that the foreskin is needed. Some people feel the foreskin is needed to protect the tip of the penis. Without it, the tip of the penis may become irritated and cause the opening of the penis to become too small. This can cause urination problems that may need to be surgically corrected.
Belief it can affect sex. Some feel that circumcision makes the tip of the penis less sensitive, causing a decrease in sexual pleasure later in life.
Belief that proper hygiene can lower health risks. Boys can be taught proper hygiene that can lower their chances of getting infections, cancer of the penis, and STIs. (AAP)

“Fear” and “belief” - these words were off-putting to me. I was looking for firm reasons why I should or should not choose this procedure for my boys and all the reasons they offered to not have the procedure were described as simply fears and beliefs. Most parents have fears when making a choice about their child's health, but I feel we need to approach choices like these with rationality not our feelings, fears, and beliefs. Fears can be a good motivator to ensure we gather the information we need and ask the right questions, to know if the choice is correct for our child. In the end we need to decide from the evidence and not from our fears. We need to make an educated choice as to what is best for our children. I also considered causing pain to my child as a reason to not do the procedure. After speaking with the surgeon about the procedure this was no longer a concern. The surgeons use medication to minimize any discomfort both during and after the procedure. I also considered that any discomfort my child would feel, he would never remember being it was done just a day after birth. Let us now look at the list of reasons the AAP offer as to why one may consider circumcision: Reasons parents may choose circumcision There are a variety of reasons why parents choose circumcision.

Medical benefits, including
A slightly lower risk of urinary tract infections (UTIs). A circumcised infant boy has about a 1 in 1,000 chance of developing a UTI in the first year of life; an uncircumcised infant boy has about a 1 in 100 chance of developing a UTI in the first year of life.
A lower risk of getting cancer of the penis. However, this type of cancer is very rare in all males.
A slightly lower risk of getting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
Prevention of foreskin infections.
Prevention of phimosis, a condition in uncircumcised males that makes foreskin retraction impossible.
Easier genital hygiene.
Social reasons. Many parents choose to have it done because "all the other men in the family" had it done or because they do not want their sons to feel "different."
Religious or cultural reasons. Some groups such as followers of the Jewish and Islamic faiths practice circumcision for religious and cultural reasons. (AAP)

Religious reasons were not a factor for our family, but I am sure in families were this is a factor it holds a great deal of weight in choosing the procedure. Social concerns were a part of our consideration, but in no way a deciding factor. I do know this was a concern for my husband who is circumcised and felt the boys should look like him to avoid confusion as they grow. The wording here was also interesting to me. When I was looking over these reasons the word “slightly” stood out, but at the same time I mostly disregarded it. A lower risk is still a lower risk, even if it is slight. With choosing to circumcise I could help my sons lower their risks of urinary tract infections, cancer, sexually transmitted infections, and at the same time prevent other infections and conditions. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also has found that, “Several types of research have documented that male circumcision significantly reduces the risk of HIV acquisition by men during penile-vaginal sex” (CDC). In a report published by the World Health Organization they found it decreased the risk of contracting AIDS by roughly 60% (WHO). When I weighed the offered risks of the procedure, with the benefits, I felt it was a clear choice. I believe having a child circumcised is a clear choice. Even if the American Academy of Pediatrics cannot say clearly that circumcision is the best choice for infant boys, I believe their information is clear enough to show most healthy boys would benefit from the procedure. I chose to have both of my boys circumcised. Both of my boys handled the procedure without incident and recovered easily. In both cases their circumcisions healed before their umbilical cords fell off. Having the procedure may only slightly improve the chance of not developing some condition, but isn't slightly better odds, better then no improvement to one's odds at all? Then one must also consider the greatly improved chance of avoiding AIDS once the child is sexually active. Much of our life is weighed out to us in odds. Why not offer children the best possible chance they have at staying healthy?

Works Cited

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). "Circumcision: Information for Parents.":n pag. Web 25 Mar. 2009. http://www.aap.org/publiced/br_circumcision.htm . Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). “Male Circumcision and Risk for HIV Transmission and Other Health Conditions: Implications for the United States”:n pag. Web 30 Mar. 2009. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision.htm . World Health Organization (WHO). “New Data on Male Circumcision and HIV Prevention:Policy and Programme Implications” pag 3. Web 30 Mar. 2009. http://www.who.int/hiv/mediacentre/MCrecommendations_en.pdf .

Causal Analysis Essay, another "A" woo hoo!

2009-03-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

With just two more papers to go in my ENG 101 I am still holding strong for an A in the class. I am really excited. This is the first class I have taken in over ten years and it is nice to feel I am doing well. This will get me one more class closer to my goal. I feel silly being so excited over one college class, but in the end I guess it really only takes one step at a time to reach your goal in the end. =)

Home Sweet Virtual Home

Facebook, it is seen almost everywhere. Social networking sites have found their way into our pop culture, but why? Just last week the popular show Numb3rs mentioned Facebook and had a small sub plot about one of the characters signing up. The show Ugly Betty also recently incorporated Facebook into its storyline. Betty signs up on Facebook because many of her peers were using it, but once signed up she receives a friend request from her ex-boyfriend. On 90210 the popular girls talk about uploading pictures to Facebook from their Sidekick mobile phones. Popular movies are incorporating socal networking sites as well. For example, in the movie He's Just Not That Into You, there is a reference to MySpace being the “new” booty-call. Facebook has even been in the news recently due to customer outrage over a change in the site's terms of service agreement, a change which was quickly rescinded. There has even been recent mention of the site being sold, which would mean all the personal data on the site would be sold along with it.

What are these sites about? Why have they worked their way into almost every facet of our media? Is it that social networking really works? One friend joins, and tells another, who tells all their friends, and so on; this is surely part of it. How about simple peer pressure? Everyone is doing it! Personally, I started using MySpace because I saw it on the news. Then I was hooked, and moved to Facebook because other friends were there, and even joined a site called Ravelry, which is a social networking site for knitters. Facebook boasts “over 175 million active [users] (users who have returned to the site in the last 30 days)” (Facebook). MySpace has around 126 million users (Hempel). Consider this year's record breaking Super Bowl attendance of 98.7 million viewers and one can see why at 175 million active users, Facebook is so impressive (ESPN).

How about social networking to go? Nearly every cell phone now has a browser; most now also have some way of interfacing with sites like Facebook and MySpace. The popular iPhone, SideKick and Blackberry brands have applications so users can post updates right from their phone, or take a picture and instantly publish it to Facebook. By doing this, do they add to the popularity of the site, or does the site add popularity to the cell phone brand? It seems to me that sites such as these gain their popularity from a circular effect. They become popular because they make things popular.

These sites can be a wonderful way of sharing with friend and family that live far away or connecting with people who have been lost to the past. Perhaps the true reason these sites have become such a large part of our society is we are a much more transient. Gone are the days where it was common for someone to never leave their home town. Almost anywhere in the world now, one can find that an Internet connection is available. Sites like Facebook allow us to keep in touch with friends and family no matter how close or far we are from them. In past eras we would write letters home telling loved ones how much we missed them and about the places we had been, but in our society “home” changes and often. The U.S Census found between 1990 and 1993 that “The "average American" makes 11.7 moves in a lifetime … “ (Hansen). Therefore, people are making a virtual home, a place where we can connect, gather, and share.

In a world where some people value privacy more so than others, Facebook offers, by default, a way to stay in touch while maintaining that much wanted privacy. Only the user's friends and family can see their posts, pictures, and thoughts. This is a comfort to Facebook users. It also makes the site more appealing to an older generation that is more weary about sharing personal information over the Internet. On the other hand, MySpace offers an avenue to declare one's presence to the world. If the user is at least eighteen, the default setting is set so everyone can see the profile. This can be great for those who want to become known to the MySpace community and in some case the world. This is one of the main reasons the site is so popular with bands and celebrities.

Whatever the reason for their growing popularity, social networking sites seem as if they are here to stay. They have become part of our culture. As the younger generations grow, these sites will be as common as having a phone number to exchange; a small place in cyberspace to call home.

Works Cited

ESPN Associated Press, “Record 98.7 million tune in to SB XLIII”:n pag. Web 4 Mar. 2009. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs2008/news/story?id=3882060 .

Facebook, Facebook Fact Sheet “Users”:n pag. Web 1 Mar. 2009. http://www.facebook.com/press/info.php?factsheet .

Hansen, Kristin A., Population Profile of the United States “Geographical Mobility”; n pag. Web 3 Mar. 2009. http://www.census.gov/population/www/pop-profile/geomob.html .

Hempel, Jessi, CNN Money “Can MySpace get its mojo back?”; n pag. Web 6 Mar. 2009. http://money.cnn.com/2009/03/05/technology/myspace_struggles.fortune/index.htm .

My Movie Review, Another "A" yeah!

2009-03-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Movie Review of Gladiator

The movie Gladiator, directed by Ridley Scott, was released in 2000. The movie stars Russell Crowe as Maximus, Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus, and Richard Harris as Marcus Aurelius. Gladiator won five Oscars and two Golden Globe awards. This film is a journey of one man who changes Rome forever. It is one of my all time favorite films. I have seen it three times in the theater and countless more on DVD. The movie brings me to tears every time I watch it. The best part of watching this film is following Maximus as he travels on this journey, feeling the sense of purpose he has, and the pain he feels.

Marcus Aurelius, the emperor of Rome is growing old; his son, Prince Commodus, has not grown into the man his father had hoped. Marcus Aurelius plans on making Rome a republic again and asks his general, Maximus to lead Rome to freedom after his death. Maximus, when not leading Rome's army, is but a simple farmer and family man. He serves his country, but wishes for nothing more than to see his family and sow his fields. Before the Emperor has a chance to announce his plan of naming Maximus his successor and his wish that Rome be a Republic again, he is killed by his son Commodus. By assassinating his father and stealing the throne Commodus averts the true wishes of his father. When Maximus refuses to pledge loyalty to Commodus he orders Maximus killed, along with Maximus's wife and son. Maximus escapes but is wounded. He finds his way home, but only to find his wife and son slain. He is then kidnapped and sold as a slave. He is purchased to become a gladiator, fighting for his life, his freedom, and eventually for Rome. With nothing left but the promise he made to the dieing emperor, you follow him on his journey. “The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor.”

The theme of this film is that of power, corruption, and betrayal. Maximus wants nothing more than to return home to his family; he wants no power and that is why Marcus Aurelius trusts him to make Rome a Republic again. When Commodus steals the throne and kills Maximus's family, he dooms himself by creating a man who has nothing left to lose and only a dying mans wish to fulfill. This is made powerfully clear in the movie when Maximus looks at Commodus and says, “Father of a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife and I shall have my vengeance in this life or the next.”

This moving could easily be compared to another classic journey, Troy. In Troy we follow Hector and Achilles to their fated battle, just as you can follow Maximus to the Coliseum and his battle with Commodus. In both cases it seems fate brings mighty men together and one must fall to the hand of the other. I enjoy Maximus's journey in Gladiator more than the story of Troy. The story in Gladiator focuses more on just Maximus, which allows you to make a firm emotional connection with him. In Troy the storyline is strong, but I feel torn between cheering for Hector or Achilles.

This movie has a great deal of strengths. It is action packed. The cinematography is amazing, especially during the battle scenes. The battles are hazed, and bloody, and took great advantage of high speed filming to slow down the action for theatrical impact. The musical score is also fantastic, winning a Golden Globe for Best Original Score by Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard. It is emotional, enveloping music, which pulls you in deep like a siren's song.

When I look for a weakness in this film, I struggle to find one. The only thing I felt could improve is pacing in the latter half. Some of the events between battles in the arena seem slow. In particular the scene in which Commodus is arresting or killing those whom he found plotting against him, it feels as if they are just quick filler shots. Some shots are almost confusing, like the scene in which you see one of the senators asleep and a dark figure creeps in and places a poisonous snake under his sheets. You never really see this senator do anything in the film to warrant him being killed but the scene is still there. Despite this, the film has a very compelling story.

This movie is a vivid, fantastic journey that will take you on a roller coaster ride to a stunning, climactic ending. Fall in love with Maximus for his enduring spirit and cheer for him as if you were sitting in the great Colosseum of Rome.

Yeah! I got 100 on my essay!

2009-02-15T23:36:00.000-08:00

The Memory Box

I sat alone in a cold, dark room. It was late January and we just had the first snow fall of the year the night before. The sky was gray and overcast with clouds. I sat in a hospital robe looking out at the frozen Susquehanna River from my bed.

There was a small knock at the door. It was a woman. I could no longer tell you her name. She was a grief counselor for the hospital. She had come to talk to me about the loss of my baby, Grace. Grace was born too early and passed away while I was giving birth to her. I was recovering from the night before. I was given support information, numbers to call, packets and pamphlets to read, but what I remember most of the counselor's visit was when she handed me a box.

The woman left after she gave me her presentation. I know it must not have been an easy job trying to console women who had just lost a child. Now that I was alone again I began looking over the box. It had six sides, it was hand-painted lavender, with flecks of white and silver. There was a bright gold dragonfly painted on the lid. Holding the box in my lap, I ran my hand over the lid. Tracing the dragonfly with my finger, I could feel the paint where it rose and fell. The box had a great deal of texture to it. It was slightly rough and chalky feeling. I opened the box to find a single yellow paper inside that read:

"Memory Box Artist Program

Touching lives through Creativity

This box is donated and created by Pat Sheely, a decorative artist. The pattern on the box is based on an original design by artist Same

The Memory Box Program (http://www.teraleigh.com/memoryboxes/ ) is comprised of a group of artists that donate their time and money to create boxes for grieving families. Each box is created with great love and a sincere wish to reach out in support and understanding. As artists, we hope that this box brings you some small comfort, and the knowledge that we know that your child was special and very, very loved.

Signed Pat Sheely

Member of the Penns Woods Chapter of the Society of Decorative Painters"

The underlined areas were filled in, by hand, with blue pen. Once I finished reading I placed the paper back in the box.

Still with the box in my lap, I turned my attention to the neat pile of things stacked at my bedside. I started by placing a small double-quilted blanket, which we had used to wrap around Grace, in the box. It was white with green squares, thick, soft, and had little bears printed on it. I held it to my nose and breathed deep. Its scent was of her, of that night. I folded it in quarters and placed it in the bottom of the box, laying it on top of the yellow note. It made a nest in the bottom of the box for the other things to rest upon. Next came a tiny pink hat. The hat was much smaller than a normal newborn hat, because this hat was made for premature babies. It was knit, but not by hand; it was machined. Grace had worn the hat the night before. It was still very big on her head, despite the fact it was made for a preemie. There was also a small white cloth bib with a lace edge and magenta-pink roses on each corner. She wore it in the picture the hospital took for us. Next came a handful of pictures that were taken by the nurses of my husband and I holding Grace and of my husband bathing her. I then tucked in a set of cards reading, “Girl Shives,” with her weight and length on the front, her foot and hand prints on the back. I placed the lid back on the box and sat with it in my lap, looking back out over the river.

This memory box was full of tiny items that belonged to my tiny little girl. The box had a profound impact on how I grieved. I kept the box close, taking it with me when going to see family and friends, so I could share the things we had left. The box collected a few more precious things along the way, the card from some flowers, my bracelet from the hospital, a tiny pair of pink socks my mother had set aside for the baby, and the few ultrasound pictures we had of Grace from earlier in the pregnancy. Even later still, we added her ashes to the box. We had her cremated and could not decide where she should be buried. Therefore, she now sits with her things in the small lavender box, wrapped in a pink blanket with lace trim. I developed a strong love for dragonflies because of the box. They reminded me of Grace. Still, when I think of her, or miss her, I open the box, and find the blanket she wore that night she came and went. I deeply breathe in the scents still stored on the blanket. It brings back the moments we had with her. Then I tuck it all neatly away, until the next time the lavender box catches my eye.

Knitting again...

2009-02-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

So I been wanting to get some knitting in and finally got around to completing a project. It is to totally cute project called the Hallowig. So here is what it looks like...LOL

School Essays...

2009-02-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

This was my first essay for my English Class. You can download it in word format here or read it below...(Update, I got a 96/100 A on this paper)

Dad's Challenge

It was a sunny summer day. My dad, who was off work, asked if I would like to go out shooting. I was excited to go. I had been waiting until he felt I was old enough to go. I was almost eight. The day had finally arrived for me to learn to shoot, and so much more.

I idolized my father. He was a Marine, tough and strong, but still very soft and kind. Well, he was soft at least when it came to me, his only daughter. “You can do anything you set your mind to, and don't let anyone ever tell you different,” he reminded me often. He was my hero.

We got the guns and packed them into the car. Then off we went. I was not sure where we were going. I asked my dad and he said, “It's not far.” We drove as if we were heading out of town. It was a road I had been down many times in my life. We continued down the long, straight road, with a few rolling hills. Emerald-colored pine trees lined the length of our drive. He turned off onto a dirt path I had never noticed until that day. We drove back into the woods until we came to a clearing.

We lived in the Pine Barrens. The ground is sandy, but firm, not like the beach. The Barrens are full of trees called Pygmy Pines. These pines grow only to about six feet tall in most areas. When I looked around the clearing, we were at a dump. It was really just a small sand pit the locals decided to use as a place for unwanted things. Around us, there were tires, cans, bottles, old sofas, and refrigerators. These items were piled together in the sinking sand pit, only to rust and decay away. Across the pit was a pine-lined ledge.

Dad and I gathered up some cans and bottles we found in the area. He took them around to the ledge on the other side of the pit and then stood them up in a line. When he came back, he took his time teaching me about the gun. It was a .22 rifle with bolt action. He showed me how to load it carefully, and then he let me put a few rounds in the gun myself. He then reminded me of all the safety things I should do with a gun. “Never point it at anyone and keep it pointed toward the ground when not using it,” he reminded me.

Then it was time to shoot. I tried to lift the gun, but it was just a little too heavy for me. Dad saw me struggling, so he knelt down on one knee and placed the barrel on his shoulder. This allowed me to aim with ease. I pulled the trigger. POP! Can after can fell. Dad looked proud. For about half an hour, we continued to set them up and shoot them down. “You are doing really well,” he said to me with a smile. I was so happy. I was alone with my dad, my hero, and he was proud of me. I could shoot well.

Then my dad did something that, to this day I will never forget. He got serious for a moment. He pulled a brand new quarter out of his pocket. It was shiny, and it glinted in the sun. He handed it to me.

“Do you see any marks on this quarter?” he asked me.

Critically, I looked over it and said, “No, it looks new.”

“I want you to mark it, scratch it, dent it, make any kind of mark you can on it,” he said explaining my task. I was still puzzled as to what he was doing. Why in the world would he want me to scuff up a brand new quarter? I did as he said. I bit it. Then I threw it on the ground and stomped on it. I tried to scuff it with my shoe. I picked it up, and tried rubbing it across some tree bark. As hard as I tried, all I managed to do was make it dirty, but no marks appeared. Dad cleaned it off and looked at me.

Handing me the quarter he asked, “Did you make a mark?”

“No,” I replied with some question and frustration in my voice. I was still confused as to where this was all going.

Dad took the quarter from me and placed it on the side of a dead tree stump that was near us. He wedged it in a bit, so it would stay in place. I recall the gleaming profile of George Washington shining back at us in the bright sun. Then he took my hand, and we stepped back from the stump. With me safely behind him, he took aim, and shot the quarter. I was shocked. What was this? What was he trying to show me? The quarter bounced off the stump, and flew to the ground.

He went and retrieved the quarter. There was a perfect hole right through the center. He banged down the sharp edges so it would be safe for me to hold, and I would not cut myself. I was still a bit puzzled. Then he handed the quarter to me and said,

"Look at this. If you ever decide to point a gun at a living thing, remember this. Remember the power. This is what a gun can do to a quarter that you could not even scratch. Imagine what it would do to a person. I do not want you to think you can't protect yourself. If you ever need to use a gun to protect yourself, I want you to do it. I am showing you this so you can understand what you would be doing. A gun is a great tool. It can feed you. It can protect you, but its main purpose is to kill. Never raise a gun to anything you do not intend to kill."

I held that quarter in my hand, turning it over repeatedly. I looked at the perfect hole now where George's face once was. I remember thinking about the day, shooting the cans, and how much fun we had. I realized my dad had not only taken me out there to teach me how to shoot, but also to learn when to raise a gun, and when to pull the trigger. Perhaps the most important lesson of the day was the great responsibility that comes with making these decisions.

Looking back on this now, as a mother, I hope I can pass this along to my boys. Think before you act, because your actions can have great consequences. I think back on that day often, of Dad and me in the woods, of how much it impressed upon me. I think how lucky I was to have a father who would take the time to ensure I could handle a gun safely and, to teach me how to protect myself if needed. He also taught me how to be a responsible person when it comes to that moment in time when you need to decide if pulling the trigger is the only option.

John's 2 Month Appointment.

2009-01-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

Well the little guy is doing great. He was 22 and a 1/2 inches long and weighed 11 pounds. He went from the 15th percentile in both height and weight to the 30th. The doctor said he was doing everything he needed to be doing and more, and gave him stellar marks. He has also recently starting "talking" to us and giving us real smiles. It's really nice to see him growing and doing well. He grew so much so fast he is already outgrown all his 0-3 month cloths and is in 3-6 month stuff already. It's defiantly a different experience then it was with Nick who was and still is for the most part so small.

John 's Ear Flap Hat

2009-01-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

So Julie has these great patterns and I decided to make John a really cute 11 cable ear flap hat. He just looks too darn cute.

Nicholas' Christmas Ear Flap Hat

2009-01-04T18:20:00.001-08:00

I was asked to write up a pattern for the hat, and here it is. Enjoy...

Nicholas' Christmas Ear Flap Hat

Materials:

I used less then 1 skein of Plymouth Yarn Encore Worsted (Green) and Columbia Minerva Nantuk Sports Yarn (Red) double stranded to make up for the weight difference) I'd say no more then 200g of yarn, but you will want to add yarn if you are going to knit it longer then below.
16″ circular needle and at least three DPNs to match, to meet gauge (I used US8)
1 stitch marker

Gauge: 3.5 stitches per inch in stockinette stitch

Ear Flaps:
Cast On 7 sts with MC to a double pointed needle. (Make 2 of these)
Row 1: K1, P5, K1
Row 2: K1, M1, K5, M1, K1
Row 3: K1, P7, K1
Row 4: K1, M1, K7, M1, K1
Row 5: K1, P9, K1
Row 6: K1, M1, K9, M1, K1
Row 7: K1, P11, K1
Row 8: K1, M1, K11, M1, K1
Row 9: K1, P13, K1
Row10: K1, M1, K13, M1, K1
Row11: P to end

Row12: K to end
Row13: P to end

Repeat Rows 12-13 until flaps are desired length, mine were 3.5 inches long. Leave a long tail (8-12 inches), this will help when weaving in ends to close up any gaps the form.

Hat:
Cast on 10 sts to a circular needle, knit the 15 from the DPN for the first ear flap, then cast on 24 sts, 15 from the other ear flap, then cast on 10 more sts.

Join, being careful not to twist your work, place a marker. (Note: If you are going to add any stitch patters/fair isle details, the marker is at the center of the back of the head.

Round 1 (MC): K9, k2tog, K 13, K2tog, K23, K2tog, K13, K2tog, K9 to end of round (70 Sts).
Rounds 2-5: Knit round
Rounds 6-10 (SC): Knit round
Rounds 11-15(MC): Knit round

Continue in 5 rounds of alternating MC and SC until you reach your desired length of the head of the hat. My hat was 3 inches from the beginning of the rounds, or 6.5 inches from ear flaps

Begin Decrease:
Start round 1 with your next color and continue switching colors every 5 rows.
Round 1: *K8, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 2-5: Knit round
Round 6 : *K7, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 7-10: Knit round
Round 11: *K6, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 12-15: Knit round
Round 16: *K5, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 17-20: Knit round
Round 21: *K4, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 21-25: Knit round
Round 26: *K3, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 27-30: Knit round
Round 31: *K2, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 32-35: Knit round
Round 36: *K1, K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 37-40: Knit round
Round 41: *K2tog*, *repeat until end of round
Rounds 21-25: Knit round

You should now have 7 sts , use a needle to pull through and pull tight, weave in all ends and tighten up any gaps you see. I also added a tassel to the end, just cut 3 pieces of yarn, use a crochet hook to pull them though, and pass the ends into the loop, pull tight and trim ends. Also adding the ties for the ear flaps add 3 pieces of yarn, and braid, or you could also do an icord or even just pick up a few sts and knit back and fort 3-4 sts. I used the braid in this hat.

Note: This pattern was inspired by Julie her pattern is here. Also if you have a hard time getting the ear flaps onto the circular needle Julie has a great video on youtube here showing how to do it.

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Knitting like crazy

2008-12-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

I decided to make an cute earflap hat that I seen, and started it, was going to make this pattern in a simple green yarn. (Pattern)

Well I got to knitting, only 2 days to finish it for Christmas...well here I am looking and I see, oh I not only have plenty of this green, but I have a lot of this nice red, so I decide to make stripes...So then I am thinking, why not make it an elf hat, and POOF! This is what I ended up with...hehe...

Now do I have enough time to make one small enough for John...hehe

Back to work...

2008-12-22T21:37:00.000-08:00

Well I am finally back to work. Tonight is my first night back. I am working 5PM to 2AM. This allows us to not have to put the kids in daycare, which is nice. Not sure how long it will last, working 9 hours, and caring for the kids for 9 hours of the day only leave 6 hours of sleeping time, and that is if we do nothing else but work, kids, and sleep. Ugly part is if we do decide to put the kids back in daycare we'd also go back to working in the office, which wouldn't be horrible, but it is nice to be able to not have to drive to go to work. Plus all the extra expenses we'd have for childcare, gas, food, etc. But hey we will do what we have to do to make the kids life as best as possible. I really love having them home and I think it really is a benefit to them, but Nicholas is to the age I think he'd like the learning and being with other kids. John would only get more colds then he would at home...hehe.

Also I enrolled in my first college class in nearly 10 years. I am starting out with one class, just taking a basic English Comp 101. I figure if I can pass a writing class I should be okay for most of my other classes. It's an odd feeling to be 29, mother of 2, and be considered a student again. I am nervous about taking the class, but got to start some place, right?

I really haven't been knitting much, and I would love to be doing it, just can't find the time right now. Maybe I can start doing it during down time at work, now that I am back. Well at least when I am not updating my blog etc.

So I got to read "The Tales of Beetle the Bard" it's a book from the Harry Potter series. If you have read the books you will know the Tales are like the wizarding world's fairytales. I really enjoyed the book. I also want to read the new book by Christopher Paolini, "Brisingr". I will likely wait for it to come out in paperback. I don't have a lot of spending cash right now with the kids, work being up in the air, and school. Maybe Santa will bring it for me. I have a librarian for a mother-in-law and a book crazy brother so it is possible. Beck, my mother-in-law does tend to get me a gift certificate from a book store, and some tea, because she knows I drink it. I often get books from my brother as well but now that I have kids I get less gifts for me =P

Lets see what else has been on my mind. Well I found a new cereal I really like. hehehe... It's called Strawberry Fields by Kashi, way yummy, if you get to try it, I strongly suggest it. It's also organic which is always a bonus in my book.

Oh and if you read this blog for updates I strongly suggest if you don't already use facebook to get an account and add me there, I have been using it a lot for pictures and videos of the boys.

Will write again soon...

Can't Sleep...

2008-12-13T01:23:00.000-08:00

Ok it's 4:23 AM and I just can't get to sleep. Maybe it was the spicy hot wings I had, or many the shock of how angry I was tonight. After eating at Hooters we decided to take Nichols to chick-fil-a for some ice cream and to let him play at the play land they have. It's cold now so he doesn't get much park time now, so it's a nice option. Well there were some older kids, maybe 6-7 years of age. They were all playing tag. Nick was pretty much on his own sliding etc. After the kids got bored or tag I heard Nicholas firmly explain "Stop hitting me!" and I looked up and sure enough one of the older children was in there hitting him. I said nothing, but he seen that I saw what he did, so they moved on, he then proceed to block the path to the slide, and I heard Nicholas say "Excuse me, Nick wants to slide". The Next thing I see is this little jerk kick Nicholas right in the chest, he goes flying back and starts to cry of course. So I stood up and said "Don't you hit my son again, and I seen him take off in the play set. I went up and found him, Nicholas was following him. I'm not sure if to hit him back or to play with him more. I told the boy to come down I wanted him to show me his mother. The mom was cool, and her other son told me he does this a lot and said he was sorry. I don't think I have ever been so angry at a child in my life. He was twice Nicholas' size and well old enough to know what he did was out of line. Nick was fine and was over it quickly, and I was proud of him for handling himself so well in the situation.

Then again he always does surprise me. We stopped into a store earlier and he spotted a shirt and said "Mommy it's yo gabba-gabba" It's a kids show I guess he watches some times. Jeremy and I have never put it on for him, but he knew all the characters names. He had Jeremy and I amazed. So we picked him up a shirt as a Christmas present. I guess we really shouldn't be that surprised. When I took John in for his 1 month check up, I had taken Nick with me to give Jeremy a little break. The pediatrician told me Nick is basically a functional 4 year old from just the little she seen of him while he played waiting for us to be done. He won't even be 3 until February. It was nice to hear he is doing well, at least in the doctor's eyes.

Well maybe getting this all out in text will help me calm down and sleep. I was at least happy the mom took care of it and didn't let the kid go back to playing, nor did she make her other 2 children that were very well behaved stop. She even had him come over and apologize a 2nd time after he stopped crying, which wasn't needed, but nice. She explained to him again what he did wrong and then sat him back down. She did seen frustrated in the sense that he does do this a lot and she isn't sure how to stop it. I kind of felt for her, but it was also hard since I was pretty well enraged at the child when I seen what he did.

Ok going to stop thinking about it now and hopefully get to sleep before the sun comes up.

We did get to take Nicholas to see Thomas again. I got a cute video I plan to put up. Actually putting it up in youtube now. Let me get the link. Oh I found another one from the car ride to see Thomas, Nick was rocking out to Christmas music, he kills me some times.

Nicholas See's Thomas
Nicholas Rocking to Christmas Tunes
Nicholas and his John Cena impression

Ok I feel a bit better, hope I can fall asleep now... hehe

Over due Update

2008-12-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

I got a quick second while Nick watches some TV and John is taking a short nap so I wanted to update some if I can. The recovery time is going good. I feel good and I am feeling more and more normal as the days go on. I have even had enough energy to cook a few real dinners now, rather then just nuke something or defrost something, or have Jeremy cook. Jeremy's been taking the baby on weekends for me so I can catch some sleep. John has been going though a growth spurt and not sleeping much in place of eating all day and night long. Nick is really loving being a big brother. If he hears the baby cry he comes running to see if he can help in any way. He even likes to try and give the baby his pacifier or bottle. Jeremy had to work on Thanksgiving so I took the boys to his grandmother's for dinner. It was a bit insane having both of them by myself, but it went fine. I should be back to work my Christmas, which I am kind of bummed about. I guess it's just part of the mommy hormones. I have a hard time with the idea of spending less time with the boys. I had the same anxiety when I went back to work with Nick. I guess it's been a little hard this time too because work is changing a lot too. I will likely not be going back to my old job, they want me to "advance" my position. So I need to find a new job in the company. Same thing with Jeremy. The hard part about this is scheduling. We'd both like to continue to work from home, but to do this with any of the other jobs they are offering we need to consider schedules a lot more greatly then in our current positions. Doing phone work also means we need to install a new phone jack in the office, get a phone from work to work at home, and make sure our schedules don't over lap at all since I couldn't be on the phones if he had the kids etc. So I guess it's just a lot to worry about before I am even back to work. I am trying to think about it as little as possible for now, because it just stresses me out and I end up crying with the hormones right now. I know things will work out for the best, I just am too emotional right now to feel alright about the whole situation, plus I really like the job I do now, and my boss. Who wants to change things when they are good, right? Well Nick is hungry and I need to make a call or two. Will update when I can.

My Birth Story...

2008-11-07T07:37:00.001-08:00

Okay for those of you that didn't get to hear about the exciting experience we had I figured I'd write about it. We had had a long day, we had gone out to dinner with my parents and food shopping for the house. When we got home we relaxed and caught up on some of our DVR stuff. Mom and Glen went to bed and Jeremy and I were finishing up a program before we headed off to bed. About 10 minutes before the show was over I felt a really strong kick, and pop, my water broke. It was about 12:50 AM Sunday Nov 2nd. I told Jeremy to hurry because I knew I would likely go fast and we had to drive to Harrisburg, normally a 40-45 minute drive. We woke my Mom, I told her I expected to have the baby in about 4-5 hours if it was anything like when I had Nick, and we left the house at 1:08 AM. Once in the car I was having contractions about every 4 minutes, each lasting about 2 minutes. Once we hit 581 My contractions speed up. Every 2 minutes lasting about minutes, so we were getting really close. We got to the hospital, Jeremy went in got a wheel chair, come out got me out, parked the car, and we headed up to the labor and delivery floor. I was feeling strong pressure in my bottom now and was getting really concerned. We got to the room, I told the nurse I was having constant contractions with bottom pressure and assured her it was going to be soon. She said "okay", asked me to get in a gown and left the room. I bent over the bed to have one contraction, then went and sat down on the toilet to try and get my pants off and the gown on. This is when I screamed because I felt the baby heading out. At this point it gets hectic, the nurses ran in and helped me walk to the bed. I was on all 4's because that was how I could get into the bed between contractions. They checked the baby to make sure there wasn't a cord around his neck and realized he was stuck at the shoulder a bit, so they asked me to turn over on my back, they helped me turn, and the doctor got the shoulder out, and told me, "Do what you need to do" I pushed once and he was out. Time 1:52 AM, Just before the clocks set back at 2:00AM. So from the time my water broke to having him in my arms was about an hour. It was insane.

36 Weeks and feelin' the pressure...

2008-10-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well I am 36 weeks today and I been having a lot of contractions. I am not feeling most of them, but the home monitor is catching them. At this point it feels like I have a bowling ball between my legs when I try to walk. The pressure is intense. I was really hoping we could make it to at least Halloween before he came, but it's seeming less and less likely. The medication maybe able to hold me off until Friday, but I strongly doubt I am making it another week unmedicated with this much pressure and contractions with it...but only time will tell I guess. If I had to guess the baby is about 6 and a half pounds now so we are in a good weight range, and if he came he is in a great age range, he may have a little breathing issues, but not likely a hard time. Will update when I can.

So far so good...

2008-10-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

The appointment today went very well. The baby was measured and right in the 50th percentile. They were also estimated to weigh 5 pounds 15 ounces, so basically just shy of 6 pounds. He has been moving around nicely as well. Normally they would have taken me off the medication this week, however since it's been working so well for me with out really any side effects, and the insurance is still paying for it, they are giving me an extra week on it. Down side I need to still do site changes (i.e. stab myself ever few days). Up side, it's likely the medicine will keep me from going into labor at least for the week. I was given the okay to make a quick trip to the store so we can get a few baby things we need before he gets here. So things are shaping up really well.

New Dose

2008-10-14T11:32:00.001-07:00

Well the new dose seems to have been doing the trick. I am still contracting but much less. I will be 35 weeks along tomorrow so we are making great progress. I am to the point now however I am ready to have this baby. Even though I know he'd be early I am getting sick of the bed rest and sick of the huge belly, and I am just ready to hold my baby. The crazy part is I could potentially go another 5 weeks with out having him and that makes me insane to think about. I went 6 weeks with out medication with Nicholas before my water broke, but they also took me off the medication a lot sooner with him. They are going to get me as close to 36 weeks as they can with the medication so I am almost done with that at least. It will be nice to not have to stab myself in the leg ever 3-5 days to change the site. It be kind of neat to make it Halloween and have him them, and it be nice to make it to my due date because I would be recovering over the holidays, but I don't know if I can really wait that long. I guess it's a good thing it's not really up to me...hehe. Ok, I am done ranting now. Will update again some time soon.

My appointment...

2008-10-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

My Friday appointment went well. I let the doctors know I been feeling more contractions and they upped my dose a bit. It seems to really have helped. Although the nurse staff for the pump didn't have me set all the doses correct the first time around and I had to call back and ask if they meant to leave out one of my doses or if we just missed one. So now that it's fixed and I am getting the extra dose I am feeling a ton better. I did pass a little mucus ball this morning but that could be because I was contracting a little over night due to the missed dose. Now that I am back on track we'll see how things go. Baby has slowed down on movement a lot, but really I am sure it's because he is so darn big. I am getting ready to put the DVD in and upload the last two ultrasounds to youtube. He has these HUGE chubby cheeks in the one, it's too darn cute. I am starting to get nervous he is going to be like a 10 pound baby if I go to term. We do a growth check this coming Friday so we'll see how big he really is. I am guessing he is over 6 pounds now, and that is a bit of a scary idea...hehe. If nothing exciting happens between now and then I will post an update Friday after my visit.

Yay we made it to 34 weeks!

2008-10-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. This is now the longest I have ever been pregnant...lol

If the baby was born today they should have very little complication, if any related to being premature. We are very excited to have made it this far. The p17 shots and the T-pump along with the bed rest seem to really have done the trick this time.

It will be really nice to go to term and be able to take a healthy baby home from the hospital with out having to have a NICU stay. That is our hope at this point. A nice easy birth and a nice healthy baby to bring home.

The last Ultrasound we had showed the baby having very chubby cheeks so we are hoping he doesn't get too big for me...hehe. I get another growth check not this Friday, but the following Friday.

I am totally bored at this point, and still have at least another week of the pump, but we are making progress. Almost there...

33 Weeks!

2008-10-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

Well we made to it 33 weeks. I can't believe it really. Last night I was playing on the computer with Jeremy and all of a sudden I got a baseball sized lump show up, it was huge, and hurt. I don't remember Nicholas being this active or strong. And Nicholas was a very strong baby when he came out. My pelvis has been really sore. It feels like his head is sitting right down on the bone. I have a feeling we are going to go soon, but just hoping to hold off as long as possible. It be nice to be able to bring the baby home with out a NICU stay. I am also starting to feel a little panicked. There is a crap ton of stuff that needs done and I can't do it being stuck in bed. I haven't even packed a hospital bag yet, the babies room isn't done, we haven't washed any of the old baby close yet, or sorted even by size. Not to mention the house is getting a little behind, and we have all that freaking wood to stack. I am stating to have a bit of anxiety about all the crap I am going to have to cram into the 6 weeks of recovery time just to catch up. Jeremy can only do so much and he is working full time, and caring for himself, Nicholas and I, so there isn't much time for all the extra stuff. Hopefully some family can make it in when the baby comes, or before. That should give me a little help at least on getting some of the behind house stuff done.

Doctors appointment...

2008-09-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

My appointment today went well. Since we are 32 Weeks now I am starting to get non stress tests. Basically they check for contractions, listen to the baby's heart and make sure he is moving around well, and measure the fluid around baby with an ultrasound to make sure it is were it needs to be. My next goal now is to make it to 34 weeks. 34 weeks is when Nicholas was born so I would consider that a huge success.

I am however starting to feel ready to deliver in the sense that I am done with being in bed all the time. My patience with being stuck in bed is running thin, but at the same time I know it is too early for the baby to come now. I guess I am just starting to get bored finally.

On a home note, we did finally get our wood stove installed completely. We have been test burning it the last few day. It is going to be great this winter. We had to do a few burns now to burn off the smell new ones have, kind of like breaking it in.

Unfortunately not all of the hard work is done, even with the stove installed. We got a really great deal on a lot of wood, only issue is, the wood needs to be stacked in the shed before it gets to be winter, and it's a lot of wood. Here is a picture and keep in mind there is already a bunch stacked in the shed.

I am hoping I will be able to help stack once the baby comes, but if I go to term it maybe too late for me to help. Unfortunately for Jeremy this means he needs to stack it all himself. It's pretty crazy, but needs to get done, but over all I think we are both happy we won't need to rely on oil heat this year. Although we may fill the tank once before the season starts to have it as a back up if needed, but I think we would almost use electric back up before oil this year. We haven't decided if we should make the investment or not yet. I am sure we will make up our minds soon. Winter weather isn't that far away.

32 Weeks and still counting...

2008-09-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Today is an exciting day...I am 32 weeks pregnant today! This is really a very comforting feeling. Today the baby moves into a percentage that if it came today, and lets hope it doesn't, but if it did it would have the same chance of survival as a full term baby. I feel like having a party in my room today to celebrate. I am still hoping to get at least 2-4 more weeks before he comes, but today is a big milestone. With less then 60 days until my official due date it is starting to feel a lot closer then it has. I added a tracker to the top of the page as well. My doctor told me last week if I make it to 35 weeks my medicine I am on can stop. The medicine is to stop contractions. So I have a feeling we'd have it shortly after that if we make it that far. We shall see.

Nicholas got to go visit with Thomas

2008-09-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

Jeremy got to take Nick to see Thomas the Tank Engine at Strasburg Railroad. You can see a few pictures Jeremy put up on his blog here. You can also see some videos of it on here

31 Weeks today

2008-09-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well made it another week. We are 31 weeks today. Nothing exciting going on for me. My good friends Steve and Doria are in Labor and Delivery. It looks as if her twins are coming with in the next day or two. She is 34 weeks, which isn't too bad, but I know she was really hoping to make it full term. I just want to keep them in my thoughts and prayers. The she is fine and the babies get here happy and healthy.

Check up went well.

2008-09-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

So I am 30 weeks and 2 days today. They checked me out and I am still holding strong at 1.3cm. They also checked the baby's growth, he was in the 61.7 percentile for over all growth, and 3 pounds 12 ounces. All looked well, and they don't even want to see me again for an ultrasound at this point until mid October. I will still have weekly prenatal visits to check blood pressure and for contractions etc. It is starting to feel like we are in the home stretch. We have single digit weeks left (9) until our due date so I guess really it is getting closer. I just hope we can make it at least another month, that would get us to when Nick came and I feel comfortable things would go well at that point. Of course 2 months be better. I have a lot less anxiety and stress as each day goes on, and feel for secure each day the baby will be fine, but as with anything in life, you don't know what you will get till it's here.

30 Weeks Today!

2008-09-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

Today I am 30 weeks pregnant, what that means is today if the baby were to come it would have the same chance of surviving as a full term, 40 week old baby. It be more likely to have other health issues, but it could possibly be fine as well. It is little to hold on to, but it is something. Every day past today is a blessing and means the baby has that much more of a chance to be healthy.

Some Random yet Adorable Pictures of my Son

2008-09-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

We did a lot this summer...

2008-09-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I knew it was extremely likely for me to end up on bed rest again with this baby so we packed a lot of stuff into this last few months.

We went to the Baltimore Zoo with Grandma and Grandpa Shives and my cousin Tracker.

We took a day trip out to Hershey area and visited Indian Echo Caverns and Zoo America.

We took a trip to Pittsburgh and went to the Pittsburgh Zoo and the Pittsburgh Children's Museum

Nick got to play in the water area, and got to play with "trolley" from Mr. Roger's

We took another day trip out to the Strasburg railroad and Dutch Wonderland

and Nick even got to hug a Princess

We have had a really good time, and done lots of other things too. Now we just need to get his new brother here safe so we can share all these wonderful things with him too.

My Mother's Day Gift

2008-09-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Jeremy got me a new necklace for Mother's Day. Not something everyone knows, but when we lost Grace, the hospital gave us a memory box with a DragonFly hand painted on it, since then the dragonfly is a nice reminder of her. So I though this was very nice.

More Baby Hats

2008-09-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

I found this really cute pattern for a baby cabled hat. I decided to make one for all the boys. The new baby to come, nick and even Jeremy. The smallest one I followed the patter for newborn size, for Nick's I use a larger yarn and needle to make it big enough for his head, and for Jeremy's (which I haven't started yet) I will use the same large yarn and needles, and just add some length so it will fit on his head.

Oh yeah, isn't he the cutes damn kid you ever seen...LOL

Nick's splippers

2008-09-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

I made these a while back, they are felted slippers. He really enjoyed them last winter. Not sure why I never uploaded the pics. I had them.

Sue's project

2008-09-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Before Sue left for Florida she asked for a winter set, a head wrap, slippers and a scarf. I am done the head wrap and slippers, not sure what I want to do for the scarf yet, so haven't started it yet. But here are the slippers and headband. The slippers need felted still, but I am waiting to do that with Sue so they will shrink to the right size.

Knitting Backlog

2008-09-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

With all this bed rest it's a good time to catch up on some things that have backlogged a bit. This was a hat I knit for Heather's new baby and it ended up being too small, more a preemie size then a newborn, so I held onto it for now.

Doing nothing can be hard.

2008-09-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

It's amazing, we work all our lives to achieve a life a pure leisure and then then it's forced upon us it's quite a different story. I guess my case is a bit different because I have the fear to deal with. Everytime I sit up, or go to the bathroom, take a shower all I can think about is that my water might break, and the baby would come too early. If he does come early will he be okay? If I get a tickle in my throat,I dread that I might have to cough, and will it be too hard and make my water break, and forget about sneezing. When you lay in bed all day you get sore, your back, neck, hips, legs, even your feet hurt because they can swell a bit from laying. I you get so weak, turning over becomes a monumental act and you start to wonder if all this is worth it. I hate my self for questioning that. With Nicholas I was so scared I never had a chance to doubt. All I was focused on was getting him here safe. Now I have Nicholas and we are past the first danger zone for the baby it's hard to focus on anything. I am scared, and I want a healthy baby, but I can't do this again. The weird thing is I want more kids, but I think adoption will be the way we go if we do this again. We can't take this down time as a family. It's hard on all of us. Jeremy is basically a single parent right now taking care of two kids, Nicholas and me. I can't do anything by myself. Even a simple shower I need his help to get set up. He is taking care of the house, all the means, and all 3 of us. His Grandmother and Aunt Nancy came to visit the other day. It was really nice to get a visit. It helps break up the time of constant nothing. You can only watch so much TV, read so much, play games, etc before it all becomes the same thing over and over. They did bring some pre-made food which was really nice. It helps Jeremy a lot to have quick things he can just pop in the oven to feed all of us. So Wednesday will be 29 weeks. we are making progress, but it seems like the days are each a week long. Jeremy doesn't get to spend a lot of time with me, between working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of Nicholas, the house, shopping I don't really get to see him that often. It kind of depresses me, and I feel at times like he is avoiding me, but I know it's irrational. I know it's just all Te crap he needs to do in a day, but I guess being alone all day and night for weeks at a time can cause some irrational thoughts. Ok enough of my insane rambling, just glad to still be home, and making it a day at a time. Hopefully this baby will get here and be as happy and healthy as our last.

One more week down

2008-08-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

Today is the start of our 28th week. One more week down, hopfully at least 4 more weeks to go. I have another check up this Friday so I am just praying all stays well. I feel good and I can feel the baby moving a lot. As excited as I am t get the baby here I am hoping we still have 2 more months before he shows up. I am still shooting for Halloween that would be 37 weeks and 2 days, well with in the safe time to have the baby. Only time will tell. And we'll take it a day at a time.

Preterm Labor

2008-08-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

Well a lot has been going on since my last post. On the 8th I went into preterm labor. I went to the local Carlisle hospital. The doctors were able to stop it for a few days, but I started contacting again. My local doctor decided to move me to the bigger hospital in Harrisburg, in case the baby came early. Harrisburg has a NICU that can support a baby that was 25 weeks, and the specialist I see are also practice there. They tried a new medicine and got me to stop contracting. They felt safe sending me home on the new stuff on bed rest. I had a check up last Friday and things were looking a little worse. So they checked me again today to see how things looked and things looked better. So for now I am home on strict bed rest. I am even typing this laying down in bed. I only get up to use the rest room at this point, and once a week for a doctors visit. Today I am 27 Weeks 5 Days along. For those that may not know a normal pregnancy is considered 40 weeks. Some information I have read have said a baby "can" live as young as 24 weeks, but likely will have many issues and have a high mortality rate. At 30 weeks, the baby is just as likely to live as a full term baby, but still likely to have other issues like lung issues, etc. At 32 weeks with a good NICU many baby's will be fine, but there is still a chance of issues. By 36 weeks there is very little chance of any issue at all. So our first goal is to make it to 30 weeks. As long as I stay down on bed rest I think we can make it. I did get a chance to update our ultrasounds on youtube, the post below has the new ones showing in it already so you can access it from there. I will update more when I have any information or we make a mile stone. I may also try and update some of the knitting I been doing. Bed rest has allowed me to get some stuff in my queue done.

Baby ultrasounds...

2008-08-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

This is all the ultrasounds from 12 weeks to current. I been updating them weekly on youtube. Enjoy! He is due November 19th 2008. We plan to name him "John Lee"

Old Video of Nicholas

2008-05-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Learning to walk...

12 Weeks and 1 Day...

2008-05-10T14:52:00.001-07:00

So if you know me, you know pregnancy is not the best time for me, but one of the very nice things about having a complicated pregnancy is you get to see the little guy or girl in your tummy a lot. In addition to that, seeing super state of the art specialist has it's perks too. One of the nice things my MFM office does it give you a DVD of your Ultrasounds. Me being a computer geek of course can rip this so you all can see it too. This is our new little "lightning" (as Nicholas as named it) at 12w 1d gestation. Most of the best baby shots are near the end. Oh and if you turn your sound on you can hear the heart beat too...ENJOY! I know I did.

Hope

2008-05-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Does he look like me here or what?

2008-01-29T04:40:00.000-08:00

OMG he is just too darn cute some times...

I love it!

2008-01-26T10:51:00.000-08:00

Nos it's not just for your car any more it's an energy drink. I about feel over laughing when I seen this in the store. It's priceless, but for $3.00 a bottle it was worth it as a novelty...hehe

My Hottie of a Hubby....and the cute kid too...

2008-01-23T03:17:00.000-08:00

Got some new pictures up to share finally...

Hat revisited

2008-01-19T06:09:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to see how it would look if I made it just as a head wrap and not a pony tail hat with the decreased top. I used only the Cashmerino this time, in a plum and pink. This yarn has totally spoiled me, I love it's soft yet extremely warm feel, it is simply awesome.

Pony Tail Hat

2008-01-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

Ok made my descsion here is what I got.

My Hat Delima

2008-01-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

OK so I got this cute hat pattern from Kym, for the Maddison hat. So I decide I am going to make it with some of the awesome yarn I picked up in Tennessee when we were there, but I look over the patter and I decide I really don't like the rolled brim, so I am going to modify it a bit, hoping I have enough yarn to cover the changes. Well, I didn't so I said hey, I know my local yarn shop carries this brand of yarn so I send Jeremy out with the skein wrapper and tell him to go pick me up some. He gets there and is told we have this yarn, but not in that chunky weight, we only have the Aran, the Chunky is on back order. Now I understand why the yarn shop I got it at had it marked down to 40% off and only had one skein left. So now I am debating, do I use the aran and just double up on the strands to finish off the top, or do I g to a smaller gauge needle and knit the remaining rows, slowing down on the deceases... over all I am not sure which is going to look better. I guess I could check the yarn shop near Harrisburg, but man it is a haul for the little bit of the skein I need to finish off..Any words of Wisdom? The yarn by the way is Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Chunky

Haven't written in a while...

2008-01-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't written in a while and wanted to sit down and get a chance to update this a little. The holidays were really good. I think we went a little crazy on the presents, but hey, he's an only child and we love him. We spent Christmas morning at the house with my brother Vince and my brother-in-law Doug. It was a nice time. Then we packed the family up and went to Grandma's house for Christmas dinner. Came home after dinner and opened the stuff he didn't get to open before we left. He opened one gift and was done, he just wanted to play with that. We then went down to Tennessee to send a week with Jer's mom and sisters. It was a nice visit, we ended u staying two weeks however because me and the baby got sick and who wants to do a 10+ hour drive with a sick baby and mommy... I know Jeremy didn't. While we were down there I got to go to a nice yarn shop called Imagiknit, and we took Jeremy to the Jack Daniels Distillery. It was a very nice tour. It's free and takes 1 hour, if you are in the area I highly recommend it, it was a lot of fun. The tour guide we had was great. Did you know the employees get a free pint each month as a perk for working there? And at any time they can have nearly 75 million gallons on site. Also it's funny the distillery is in a dry county, but they do sell bottles in the gift shop. We got Jeremy 2 differnet bottles.

(We are down on the bottom right)

Jack Daniels has a funny history in our past so it was a nice trip for us. I been knitting a little too, I made some snow boot socks for the baby. He really loved this yellow yarn in my stash, and kept pulling it out and playing with it, yellow is also one of the colors he can say when he reconizes it, so I figured I'd make him some long socks to go with his snow boots (if it ever snows) They turned out since and he really seems to like them. He wore then around the house and broke them in a little.

Over all things have been good, still missing my dad a lot but I feel a more like my old self again. I been focusing on losing some weight so Jeremy and I can start trying for another baby. We will see...

Stolen

2007-12-30T11:07:00.000-08:00

This was stolen from a friends blog, but just too darn funny not to share...lol

Elf bootie....

2007-12-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

So I had never done a gusset heel before and

started making Jeremy a sock with one, so before I got to that I wanted to practice it so, I found a child pattern that had one, I also had a pattern for an elf toe on a sock or bootie so figured if I was doing a practice piece I might as well try it out too. This was the end product.. it is too cute. I am going to try and felt it later today to see how it looks felted up too.

Update,. got it felted, it's so darn cute. Not sure if I will make a 2nd or just turn this one into a Christmas ornament or something....hehe

He has come so far in such little time...

2007-12-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

Jeremy was looking for something and came across this picture. It was the first picture the hospital took of Nicolas in the NICU after he was born and rushed away. It was the first thing I seen of my baby after I got to hold him a quick second and he was rushed away to get help breathing. He didn't breath on his own for 3 days. He spent a total of 19 days in the NICU before he was able to come home to us. Looking at this now just reminds me of how far he has come in such a little time, and makes me truly appreciate having him here with us now. He truly is a miracle.

Wash Cloth

2007-12-05T03:31:00.001-08:00

Found a cute little pattern for a winter wash cloth, not sure you can see the pattern very well in the picture, but the texture is nice. The pink yarn was some spare yarn given to me because it was cotton and a little hard to work, but once you got past the cast on and 1st row it wasn't that bad. Good fiber for a wash cloth however. Knitted up in a day, so would make great Holiday gifts. The pattern called for Peaches and Cream cotton which you can buy anywhere in huge spools. So you can make a whole set in a week or so. I don't have the pattern in soft copy but I can scan it if anyone wants it. While I was making it I though if you keep repeating over and over it would make a cute winter scarf as well, or heck make a bunch and seam them together for a blanket.

More socks...

2007-12-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

Mommy made me some sock!

I finally found something I can make in a few hours. Toddler socks. The paid only took me a few hours and to be honest he loves them. He has been wearing them for the last 2 days and doesn't want to take them off. He actually brought them over to me this morning and sat down so I could put them on him. It was very cute. I think if I use this pattern again i won't do quite so many decreases, it came to much to much of a point, but they are cute never the less. The yarn was from the Yarn shop in Carlisle, it's a wool sock blend. I have some left over I may try and matching pair for myself soon. Socks seem to be very addicting...Here is a close up of the socks.

The bag is finally done....

2007-11-24T10:56:00.000-08:00

Well this was my largest project to date. I am very proud of it. It turned out much better then my last felting attempt. I did 2 wash cycles before I dried it this time and it was well worth it. First one with some other things like a towel and some jeans, 2nd by it's self. I think with my front load washer it does better alone. I think it's enough agitation on it's own. Ended up with a very sturdy bag I am sure I will never part with.

Kids make you feel old, fast...

2007-11-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

Well, I can say my husband and I are both video game fans. We have extremely nice gaming PC’s, an Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, 2PSP’s and play them all fairly regularly in our free time. So it is likely Nicholas, our son, will be a video game fan as well. Well, I was hanging out down stairs with him playing on the PS3. We got Virtual fighter 5 for it and I been playing the quest area to unlock stuff for a while. Nicholas loves watching it, the PS3 is ultra clear in high definition so he always sits and watches. Well it was getting late and close to his bed time so I wanted to let him play a little before bed. So I start a new game for him. Set him up a character, start the arcade mode, and hand him the controller. With nothing more than me encouraging him to press buttons, he wins the first 2 arcade fights. I don’t help him at all… Yes, my 21 month old son can win at video game fighting. They say kids learn fast and outsmart us quick but DAMN, this quickly? How soon before he is beating me? Ok just had to share that…I feel old now…

Cats are great...

2007-11-11T07:52:00.001-08:00

My latest knitting project is this really cool wool bag. I had set the project down on my desk. Jeremy and I went down stairs for dinner. We must have not closed the office door.

When Jeremy came up to the office after his lunch he found this on my desk.

I guess she decided I was knitting her a nice wool bed for the winter, and not a cute little market bag for myself...LOL

Aren't cats great?

Meet my fish Sam...

2007-11-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

I have had Sam about a year now. I got him last year around this time. His name came from Samhain the Celtic holiday we now celebrate as Halloween. We named him after that because of his awesome colors, he is black with purple and orange highlights. He is a very cool fish. We recently got him a friend for his tank, a snail to help keep the tank clearer.

Working from home...

2007-10-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

So working from home has been interesting. I am fairly happy here, I miss a lot of the people I work with, but realistically a lot of them are also working from home so even if I were still in the office I wouldn’t see them. We are saving a lot of money each year and we will have the baby full time. I think at his age it’s a benefit to have him at home full time, and I decided to take him to the YMCA with me, they have a daycare while I work out so he can still have interaction with other children which is nice. I don’t take change easily but overall it’s been nice to roll out of bed and go to the next room to work rather than having to drive in, and this winter with the snow I am sure that perk will even seem more amplified. I think Nicholas likes it too he seems really happy to be home all day. And lunches and breaks seem a lot longer since I can spend family time during them. Jeremy and I also have 2 days off together which is very nice since we only had a single day off together for the last year. We have been able to get a lot more done around the house and around town. I think it’s going to be a good change.

The sock trial..

2007-10-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

Well learning knitting you are always trying new things, things you aren't sure if you can finish...but in the end you learn something from the project. I wanted to learn socks. I hate the cold and well socks help fight the cold... I started with a simple booties pattern. I though it was a little small for me, but I forgot the last step in the pattern, wash and block, this step lets it stretch into place and seems to help it fit more properly. I also think I knitted a little tighter then I needed to so it may have been less stretchy then intended. Over all I think for my first sock ever it turned out well.

Finally finished...

2007-10-08T15:57:00.001-07:00

So I finally got to finish Nicholas' blanket. It wasn't very hard, it just took me a while to take the time to finish it. I think my knitting is really coming along. What do you think? It's very soft. The baby seems to really like it, so I am happy

Mmm...Tea and Tarts

2007-09-25T04:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am sure if you have read my blog you are likely sick of hearing how awesome my hubby is, but hey, he is! We needed a few other things from the store last night, so of course we HAD to go back to Wegmans…hehe, well I been searching for a particular glass teapot for brewing blooming teas. They are not only delicious, but beautiful to look at as well.

So brewing them in my normal tea pot stunk. Well, Wegmans had the pot I wanted, it was a cute little gift set, a 16oz Teapot with 2 adorable 3oz cups, with saucers, and 6 blooming teas (each can be used about 4-5 times). So of course the first thing I did this morning at work was go to the break room and boil some water to make some tea. This is the one I brewed this morning, it was so pretty, and yummy.

So not only did he buy me the perfect tea set that I have been so badly wanting he decides wants to buy one of the insanely good tarts, as a treat. He even packed me lunch last night and put some tart in my bag for me. Boy do I have a keeper.

I told him he needs to find my sweatpants for me so I can get my butt in the gym after the tart. I been wanting to get back to working out but can’t find my work out pants, it’s like I hid them subconsciously so I can’t work out…lol. I do miss the yoga classes however, and I really do want to lose some more weight, so maybe tonight I will go on a conscious hunt for my sweatpants.

Wegmans Wonderland

2007-09-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

So who would think it was worth writing a blog about a grocery store. We just got a Wegmans. Now if you haven’t had the chance to visit a Wegmans boy, do you need one in your town. For any foodie in a place where being a foodie is difficult, this place is a very welcome new comer. It’s like food shopping in NYC for the local town. On the selves you will find store band food that is of exceptional quality, to the rare luxurious items like black truffle. A loose tea corner, a sushi bar, more prepared foods that you can imagine in a grocery store and even a cheese shop with olive bar, flower shop and some pastries to die for. They even offer samples galore to lore you into buying plenty of their awesome selections. I love parmesan regiano but never had it with honey, trying the small bite they offered with honey wanted to make me buy more then the few pounds I already had at home. We had a fun time. It took us over 2 hours to canvas the whole store. We got a cart full of food for about $160, and it’s about 2 weeks of food. So look up your local wegmans and check them out. Way worth the visit.

iPod

2007-09-16T03:51:00.001-07:00

So I decided I wanted a new iPod, so why not go big. I got some gift cards from work and needed to use them on something at BestBuy so why not the iPod I been wanting. Well a few weeks back and I buy a nice 80G Video iPod. Well wasn't I lucky, just a week or two after I purchase it, play with it, and decide I love it, Apple decides to revise it for the Holiday season, they lower the price of the 80G version by 100$ and offer a new 160G version at the same price. So I check and I can return the one I got and get the new 160G, SWEET! So I returned the old one and got a store credit until the new ones where in stock, The new 160's are a tiny bit bigger then the old version so there aren't any cases for them yet, but my "old" one came with a little case, the new one should too right? So I get to the store and get my new 160G iPod ! Yay! Get home and open it up and no case, mmm, how the heck and I going to be able to use it and not scratch the heck out of it? So I look online and find the "iPod Sock" or sometimes called the "iSock". LOL Its the only thing on the market right now that I would use, and fits, but holy cow 30$ no way. So I am like alright, I am going to look for iSock patterns and sure enough I find a simple enough pattern, so I got the idea, I got some spare yarn, did a quick gague swatch and in less then an hour. I had my own temporary iSock...LOL Now it doesn't look as nice as the cute little Apple one, not does it have the little adorable Apple tag, however it's thick and bulk to it can act as a little padding in case of a small drop, and I made it in less then an hour so I at least had something to put the darn thing in. I didn't want to be afraid to use it and scratch it up, but over all I do think I am going to pick up a little more yarn, something nice, thin and soft and made something more similar to the real thing. I just felt really dorky and old knitting my self up an iSock in an hour just because I needed one. Am I the true Grandma of the future? Oh yes, I think so.

Ha Ha Ha...

More knitting...

2007-09-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

So a few months back I decided to try and knit a purse. It turned out fairly well. I used this pattern. I made mine in a flat color. I wasn't ready for working in the design just yet. I also used a little larger of a needle then I should have for the felting but it turned out nice I think. I gave it to my Mom for mother's day. She loves purple.

Some recent knitting projects

2007-09-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

I made my first cable. I was just practicing, but I think it turned out well. Take a peak...

I also finished a cowl for my mother-in-law. Very easy to make. What do you think?

What a birthday it was...

2007-02-09T08:18:00.001-08:00

What a week, my goodness. Well my mother-in-law came into town for my Son’s Birthday party. Nicholas started to get a little sniffle Monday night, nothing serious, just a little runny nose. He is cutting teeth so I was not too concerned when he had the runny nose and a low-grade fever. Over all he was still his happy self and did not seem to care about the runny nose, well except when we cleaned it of course. Well Wednesday came along and all hell broke loose. My back is still “iffy” at best. I feel I am getting better, but still have some moments where I am useless. Right before we leave for the party Nicholas pukes, he was eating at the time so we though well maybe he gagged. Well we get to Hooters and we are all having a good time. Nicholas is eating his cheeseburger and gets sick again, not much, again he was congested so we did not think much of it. I got him a shirt and all the girls signed it for him. Well while he was finishing some more food he pukes again, this time however he puked so hard he turned purple in the process. On top of this, Jeremy’s mother is now feeling ill as well. When we get home, we tried to make the baby as comfortable as possible. Jeremy and I were up with Nicholas all night on and off making sure, he was ok. He made it though the night with out us having to take him to the emergency room. Thank God for that. Thursday morning Jeremy’s mother, Lori was so sick she did not even want to get out, which is not her at all. She went to the clinic and found out her and her husband John both had infections. We took Nicholas to the doctor and they tested him for RSV, which is a upper repertory infection. We should find out today how that test goes. However, I am certain he does have RSV since today I have also began coughing up a lung. Which is great with my back pain, every cough feels so very wonderful on my lower back it brings tears to my eyes. Jeremy had to take off work two extra days to take care of everyone, he is the only one that managed not to get sick, or if he is sick is not letting on that he is. He is that kind of person. I will update how things turn out when I have word. I hope that the pain reliever I am taking will get me though the workday and my chiropractor appointment today will fix up the rest of this back pain I have, I hope.

Catch up...

2007-02-04T08:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not written in a few days there has been a lot going on. My back has been hurting very badly. So badly, I finally decided to go see a Chiropractor. The first day after the visit, I felt a lot better, but at the same time a lot worse. I had very bad muscle soreness but at least my back felt better beyond that. I actually went home early from work to take a hot bath to try to relieve it. It worked and I felt a ton better last night. Today my soreness is back and a little pain. I have another appointment tomorrow. I should know more tomorrow. The Doctor will have my x-rays back by then and we can see what she finds if anything. I hope that the soreness I am feeing today is just the muscles readjusting to my spine actually setting in alignment. I also want to get a deep tissue massage from my friend Doria, but I wanted to make sure there was not anything physically wrong before hand.

Speaking of Doria, we had great time knitting on Wednesday. I really do enjoy knitting. Jeremy’s scarf is almost complete and I have been looking to see what I want to try next. I found a couple websites with free knitting patters. I have been looking for things I can try to knit with my skill level. I did find one thing I love, but the skill level surpasses my current skill level. I want to make that piece my benchmark to work up to completing. Here is a picture of what I want to make.

I have been trying to learn new knitting patters. I get a weekly newsletter with free patters and things to try. This week they had a cool knit. I tried it, but failed. It was a neat knit, see it here.

I have not really been playing WoW at all, with my back hurting and knitting I guess I just really have not wanted to sit at my computer.

Nicholas is turning one year old on the seventh. I cannot believe it has come so fast. He just seems to get smarter by the hour. I am so proud of him. He really has over come so much this year and just continues to shine. I thank God every day for my little man

Knitting is fun...

2007-01-29T03:17:00.000-08:00

Well, we went out last night and got all the stuff I needed for knitting. I was very impressed I did not get any hard time about picking the stuff up. Of all things I got a hard time when I tried to buy him a nice Kitchenaid box grater that he has been wanting because he felt 26$ for it was too much. I made him buy it anyway since he has wanted it for a while and I wanted him to have something nice. Maybe knitting is something he understand, he used to knit when he was little with his Grandmother. So far I am doing really well with the scarf, I looked online for a “how to” site on knitting and figured it out in a few hours. I though perhaps this way when Doria comes to visit and teach me I will have the basics down so it is not so hard. I am really enjoying it. I made Jeremy select the yard color and this first scarf is his. I have already had two other people ask for scarves. It is a very relaxing hobby so far and it’s nice to get something out of it in the end. I like that is seems to be something you can take anywhere and sit down as needed. It’s very therapeutic. Well off to knit more, would like to make my scarf before winter is over…hehe

New hobbies

2007-01-28T07:51:00.000-08:00

So I was thinking about learning to knit. A friend of mine knits and we talked about her teaching me. I am going tonight to see what it will cost for the three needles I need and some yarn. I think she said we would start with a scarf. It should be fun. I love crafts. I paint and draw, make my own candles, and even considered starting to make my own soaps. The soap I may not do, I do not know if I want all the needed chemicals around with the baby in the house. I even do hair wraps, and make hemp necklaces, to bead work. The funny thing is as much as I love doing all these things I end up playing video games instead. I only got big into video games when my husband and I where dating. He played them and it got to a point that if I did not also we would have likely ended our relationship a long time ago. Do not get me wrong. I enjoy playing the games. I especially love the Wii, but many times I would much rather do something with my hands. It feels more rewarding to make something and be able to look at and appreciate the work you have done, or use the item, like my candles, or even give them as gifts. The funny thing is, if I spend money on a video game from time to time my husband doesn’t really say anything, but if I go to the craft store and spend much less then I would on a video game, he seems to question it, or chide me about the purchase. I guess I understand why a man would have a harder time understanding crafts. I just wish I had a bit more freedom to my hobbies. I have not told my husband about this blog yet. I guess I want to be able to write with out feeling he will judge what I am saying. We are very open with each other and we talk about pretty much everything, but I guess I feel not everything is worth discussing. Well I am working and it’s starting to get a little busy so I will wrap this up and write soon.

Working...

2007-01-27T03:17:00.000-08:00

Boy it was hard getting out of bed today. I have been so tired lately. I have a nice 4-day weekend coming up, but it will be my son’s first birthday, so I know we will be doing a lot of running around. I hope that I can get some rest squeezed in there at some point.

Do you ever wonder what changed, and when you missed it? The company I work for is a large corporation. . Both my husband and I work in the same department. Last year when I found out, I was pregnant again, with Nicholas, I was training people, taking company trips, and doing special projects often. The general manager and I had gotten close, on a working level, after I interviewed for a position and blew it away. I did not get the job in spite of it, since in reality the job was to be given to someone else who had been here a long time and “stuck” in the same position for a while and would have left the company if not given the job. However, he trusted me with a number of important projects after that. He even made it clear he wanted me as part of his management team.

Unfortunately, for me my general manager was great at his job. The vice president of the company asked he move to another center that needed him more. Therefore, we lost our awesome general manager. In his place, he left someone who has worked for the company less then 5 years, and had no previous experience as a general manager.

Now, I sit at my desk do my daily job requirements and have not had a project to speak of since I have been back in March. What happen? I know our new general manager does not like me. We had a few times that we butted heads, but then at that time I knew the current general manager would support me and did. Since then, for any job or project I apply for I am not considered. Mostly because I have a family now and they are unwilling to be “flexible” with the schedules, or even really give me notice as to what I will be working so I can arrange childcare.

Do not get me wrong, I love my primary job. I do email and chat for an internet help desk, as well as take calls from our field technicians when they need assistance. My pay is much larger then it should be for the work that I do. Of well, I might as well be ok with being over paid. I just feel I could do so much more for the company if given the chance. Maybe I should look for a different job, something that is Monday-Friday work. We will have to see what presents its self.

Wii is addictive...

2007-01-26T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, sorry I did not get a chance to write yesterday. Man the Wii is addictive. Between playing and caring for my son, I played Legend of Zelda "Twilight Princess" all day. If you have not seen, or tried a Wii yet, you must. I have not had as much fun with a gaming console since my original NES I opened in Christmas day when I was 8 years old. Today at work, it has been slow. I had to write my yearly performance review and got a chance to talk with my new boss a bit about some things. I really have been tired lately. I understand why some people take separate vacations now. I never understood why some people would take a trip and not bring their wife or husband. Now that I am a mother and wife, I can see the need, at times, to get some rested time alone. Maybe after we catch up on bills some I will send Nicholas to his grandparents for a few days or maybe plan a trip some place where I can have some fun and relax

I have really wanted to take a trip back to Las Vegas with my husband, but it has been hard to plan since Nicholas is still so little. Not that I would not trust him with the family, it has just been more that we like having him around. Between working full time and being a Mommy however I am starting to feel the effects of having a 24-hour a day, 7 day a week job for the last year. Nicholas will be one on February 7^th. Maybe I can convince Jeremy to plan a trip this year, maybe in April or May before it gets too hot in Las Vegas.

I will talk to his mother when she is up about possibly sending him out for the time we take to her farm. She works, so she would need to make arrangements if she where to take him. I know we could take the baby with us, but it really would not be a break then. I know my father would take him for the time if not..

Well my lunch is almost over so I need to wrap this up. I am sure I will write soon.

Ever wonder?

2007-01-23T04:38:00.000-08:00

You ever wonder why you could be completely happy in life, but there is just something that you want, that you can't have, and if you pursue it, or do end up getting what you want, it will ruin everything that is so perfect? It drives me crazy! I have the perfect life, I am happily married. I have a beautiful, intelligent son. Money isn't an issue for the most part. I have a wonderful home. My job is a good job. Not to mention my husband is pretty much the most perfect man on earth, at least in my eyes. Sure he could be a little more responsible on thing like remembering important stuff, but I guess everyone needs some flaw. Yet with all this I have this little conflict inside that I want something else, outside this perfect world, and it lingers on the edge. I am by far not what you would consider a religious person, but I truly feel the urge of temptation, and I know the consequences would be great if I where to act on it. I guess at times it does feel like evil pulling at me to stumble, give into my weakness, and fall. Does that sound insane? I just don't understand how I can look at my life, and know I am happy, that I have everything I truly want, yet still suffer this kind of ....what is the word I am looking for. Anguish. Why am suffering this kind of anguish over something I want and can't have? Well hopefully I can find a way to beat this. Lucky I feel even if I did have some kind of momentary weakness I am in a situation right now that I would not get myself in trouble, so that is at least a small comfort. As well as knowing my husband loves me and I love him. Perhaps we do live more then one life, maybe these feeling I am having are parts of me that have lived other lives pulling toward things they would want. I have always said, there are certain people in my life that I felt I knew and loved the moment I met them. I tend to fall in love very easily. I lust very easily as well, and I have the ability to know the difference between love and sexual attraction. Being as young as I was when I met my husband we have had our trials of me wanting to explore more of my emotions before I fully committed to him. Luckily he loved me as much as he does now and was willing to make some compromises to allow me to explore with out ruining our relationship. If anything I think the love and trust he showed me is what made us so close as to finally be able to get married. We meet each other in 1998, we didn't actually get married until July of 2004. Well I can't write much more right now, but I am going to try and write every day. Thanks for reading and see you soon.

Welcome...

2007-01-22T09:59:00.000-08:00

I decided that I want to start a daily journal, so this seemed as good a place as any. Thanks for reading.