Ever wonder?

You ever wonder why you could be completely happy in life, but there is just something that you want, that you can't have, and if you pursue it, or do end up getting what you want, it will ruin everything that is so perfect? It drives me crazy! I have the perfect life, I am happily married. I have a beautiful, intelligent son. Money isn't an issue for the most part. I have a wonderful home. My job is a good job. Not to mention my husband is pretty much the most perfect man on earth, at least in my eyes. Sure he could be a little more responsible on thing like remembering important stuff, but I guess everyone needs some flaw. Yet with all this I have this little conflict inside that I want something else, outside this perfect world, and it lingers on the edge. I am by far not what you would consider a religious person, but I truly feel the urge of temptation, and I know the consequences would be great if I where to act on it. I guess at times it does feel like evil pulling at me to stumble, give into my weakness, and fall. Does that sound insane? I just don't understand how I can look at my life, and know I am happy, that I have everything I truly want, yet still suffer this kind of ....what is the word I am looking for. Anguish. Why am suffering this kind of anguish over something I want and can't have? Well hopefully I can find a way to beat this. Lucky I feel even if I did have some kind of momentary weakness I am in a situation right now that I would not get myself in trouble, so that is at least a small comfort. As well as knowing my husband loves me and I love him. Perhaps we do live more then one life, maybe these feeling I am having are parts of me that have lived other lives pulling toward things they would want. I have always said, there are certain people in my life that I felt I knew and loved the moment I met them. I tend to fall in love very easily. I lust very easily as well, and I have the ability to know the difference between love and sexual attraction. Being as young as I was when I met my husband we have had our trials of me wanting to explore more of my emotions before I fully committed to him. Luckily he loved me as much as he does now and was willing to make some compromises to allow me to explore with out ruining our relationship. If anything I think the love and trust he showed me is what made us so close as to finally be able to get married. We meet each other in 1998, we didn't actually get married until July of 2004. Well I can't write much more right now, but I am going to try and write every day. Thanks for reading and see you soon.