Knitting is fun...

Well, we went out last night and got all the stuff I needed for knitting. I was very impressed I did not get any hard time about picking the stuff up. Of all things I got a hard time when I tried to buy him a nice Kitchenaid box grater that he has been wanting because he felt 26$ for it was too much. I made him buy it anyway since he has wanted it for a while and I wanted him to have something nice. Maybe knitting is something he understand, he used to knit when he was little with his Grandmother. So far I am doing really well with the scarf, I looked online for a “how to” site on knitting and figured it out in a few hours. I though perhaps this way when Doria comes to visit and teach me I will have the basics down so it is not so hard. I am really enjoying it. I made Jeremy select the yard color and this first scarf is his. I have already had two other people ask for scarves. It is a very relaxing hobby so far and it’s nice to get something out of it in the end. I like that is seems to be something you can take anywhere and sit down as needed. It’s very therapeutic. Well off to knit more, would like to make my scarf before winter is over…hehe

New hobbies

So I was thinking about learning to knit. A friend of mine knits and we talked about her teaching me. I am going tonight to see what it will cost for the three needles I need and some yarn. I think she said we would start with a scarf. It should be fun. I love crafts. I paint and draw, make my own candles, and even considered starting to make my own soaps. The soap I may not do, I do not know if I want all the needed chemicals around with the baby in the house. I even do hair wraps, and make hemp necklaces, to bead work. The funny thing is as much as I love doing all these things I end up playing video games instead. I only got big into video games when my husband and I where dating. He played them and it got to a point that if I did not also we would have likely ended our relationship a long time ago. Do not get me wrong. I enjoy playing the games. I especially love the Wii, but many times I would much rather do something with my hands. It feels more rewarding to make something and be able to look at and appreciate the work you have done, or use the item, like my candles, or even give them as gifts. The funny thing is, if I spend money on a video game from time to time my husband doesn’t really say anything, but if I go to the craft store and spend much less then I would on a video game, he seems to question it, or chide me about the purchase. I guess I understand why a man would have a harder time understanding crafts. I just wish I had a bit more freedom to my hobbies. I have not told my husband about this blog yet. I guess I want to be able to write with out feeling he will judge what I am saying. We are very open with each other and we talk about pretty much everything, but I guess I feel not everything is worth discussing. Well I am working and it’s starting to get a little busy so I will wrap this up and write soon.

Working...

Boy it was hard getting out of bed today. I have been so tired lately. I have a nice 4-day weekend coming up, but it will be my son’s first birthday, so I know we will be doing a lot of running around. I hope that I can get some rest squeezed in there at some point.

Do you ever wonder what changed, and when you missed it? The company I work for is a large corporation. . Both my husband and I work in the same department. Last year when I found out, I was pregnant again, with Nicholas, I was training people, taking company trips, and doing special projects often. The general manager and I had gotten close, on a working level, after I interviewed for a position and blew it away. I did not get the job in spite of it, since in reality the job was to be given to someone else who had been here a long time and “stuck” in the same position for a while and would have left the company if not given the job. However, he trusted me with a number of important projects after that. He even made it clear he wanted me as part of his management team.

Unfortunately, for me my general manager was great at his job. The vice president of the company asked he move to another center that needed him more. Therefore, we lost our awesome general manager. In his place, he left someone who has worked for the company less then 5 years, and had no previous experience as a general manager.

Now, I sit at my desk do my daily job requirements and have not had a project to speak of since I have been back in March. What happen? I know our new general manager does not like me. We had a few times that we butted heads, but then at that time I knew the current general manager would support me and did. Since then, for any job or project I apply for I am not considered. Mostly because I have a family now and they are unwilling to be “flexible” with the schedules, or even really give me notice as to what I will be working so I can arrange childcare.

Do not get me wrong, I love my primary job. I do email and chat for an internet help desk, as well as take calls from our field technicians when they need assistance. My pay is much larger then it should be for the work that I do. Of well, I might as well be ok with being over paid. I just feel I could do so much more for the company if given the chance. Maybe I should look for a different job, something that is Monday-Friday work. We will have to see what presents its self.

Wii is addictive...

Well, sorry I did not get a chance to write yesterday. Man the Wii is addictive. Between playing and caring for my son, I played Legend of Zelda "Twilight Princess" all day. If you have not seen, or tried a Wii yet, you must. I have not had as much fun with a gaming console since my original NES I opened in Christmas day when I was 8 years old. Today at work, it has been slow. I had to write my yearly performance review and got a chance to talk with my new boss a bit about some things. I really have been tired lately. I understand why some people take separate vacations now. I never understood why some people would take a trip and not bring their wife or husband. Now that I am a mother and wife, I can see the need, at times, to get some rested time alone. Maybe after we catch up on bills some I will send Nicholas to his grandparents for a few days or maybe plan a trip some place where I can have some fun and relax

I have really wanted to take a trip back to Las Vegas with my husband, but it has been hard to plan since Nicholas is still so little. Not that I would not trust him with the family, it has just been more that we like having him around. Between working full time and being a Mommy however I am starting to feel the effects of having a 24-hour a day, 7 day a week job for the last year. Nicholas will be one on February 7^th. Maybe I can convince Jeremy to plan a trip this year, maybe in April or May before it gets too hot in Las Vegas.

I will talk to his mother when she is up about possibly sending him out for the time we take to her farm. She works, so she would need to make arrangements if she where to take him. I know we could take the baby with us, but it really would not be a break then. I know my father would take him for the time if not..

Well my lunch is almost over so I need to wrap this up. I am sure I will write soon.

Ever wonder?

You ever wonder why you could be completely happy in life, but there is just something that you want, that you can't have, and if you pursue it, or do end up getting what you want, it will ruin everything that is so perfect? It drives me crazy! I have the perfect life, I am happily married. I have a beautiful, intelligent son. Money isn't an issue for the most part. I have a wonderful home. My job is a good job. Not to mention my husband is pretty much the most perfect man on earth, at least in my eyes. Sure he could be a little more responsible on thing like remembering important stuff, but I guess everyone needs some flaw. Yet with all this I have this little conflict inside that I want something else, outside this perfect world, and it lingers on the edge. I am by far not what you would consider a religious person, but I truly feel the urge of temptation, and I know the consequences would be great if I where to act on it. I guess at times it does feel like evil pulling at me to stumble, give into my weakness, and fall. Does that sound insane? I just don't understand how I can look at my life, and know I am happy, that I have everything I truly want, yet still suffer this kind of ....what is the word I am looking for. Anguish. Why am suffering this kind of anguish over something I want and can't have? Well hopefully I can find a way to beat this. Lucky I feel even if I did have some kind of momentary weakness I am in a situation right now that I would not get myself in trouble, so that is at least a small comfort. As well as knowing my husband loves me and I love him. Perhaps we do live more then one life, maybe these feeling I am having are parts of me that have lived other lives pulling toward things they would want. I have always said, there are certain people in my life that I felt I knew and loved the moment I met them. I tend to fall in love very easily. I lust very easily as well, and I have the ability to know the difference between love and sexual attraction. Being as young as I was when I met my husband we have had our trials of me wanting to explore more of my emotions before I fully committed to him. Luckily he loved me as much as he does now and was willing to make some compromises to allow me to explore with out ruining our relationship. If anything I think the love and trust he showed me is what made us so close as to finally be able to get married. We meet each other in 1998, we didn't actually get married until July of 2004. Well I can't write much more right now, but I am going to try and write every day. Thanks for reading and see you soon.

Welcome...

I decided that I want to start a daily journal, so this seemed as good a place as any. Thanks for reading.