Doing nothing can be hard.

It's amazing, we work all our lives to achieve a life a pure leisure and then then it's forced upon us it's quite a different story. I guess my case is a bit different because I have the fear to deal with. Everytime I sit up, or go to the bathroom, take a shower all I can think about is that my water might break, and the baby would come too early. If he does come early will he be okay? If I get a tickle in my throat,I dread that I might have to cough, and will it be too hard and make my water break, and forget about sneezing. When you lay in bed all day you get sore, your back, neck, hips, legs, even your feet hurt because they can swell a bit from laying. I you get so weak, turning over becomes a monumental act and you start to wonder if all this is worth it. I hate my self for questioning that. With Nicholas I was so scared I never had a chance to doubt. All I was focused on was getting him here safe. Now I have Nicholas and we are past the first danger zone for the baby it's hard to focus on anything. I am scared, and I want a healthy baby, but I can't do this again. The weird thing is I want more kids, but I think adoption will be the way we go if we do this again. We can't take this down time as a family. It's hard on all of us. Jeremy is basically a single parent right now taking care of two kids, Nicholas and me. I can't do anything by myself. Even a simple shower I need his help to get set up. He is taking care of the house, all the means, and all 3 of us. His Grandmother and Aunt Nancy came to visit the other day. It was really nice to get a visit. It helps break up the time of constant nothing. You can only watch so much TV, read so much, play games, etc before it all becomes the same thing over and over. They did bring some pre-made food which was really nice. It helps Jeremy a lot to have quick things he can just pop in the oven to feed all of us. So Wednesday will be 29 weeks. we are making progress, but it seems like the days are each a week long. Jeremy doesn't get to spend a lot of time with me, between working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of Nicholas, the house, shopping I don't really get to see him that often. It kind of depresses me, and I feel at times like he is avoiding me, but I know it's irrational. I know it's just all Te crap he needs to do in a day, but I guess being alone all day and night for weeks at a time can cause some irrational thoughts. Ok enough of my insane rambling, just glad to still be home, and making it a day at a time. Hopefully this baby will get here and be as happy and healthy as our last.